Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Entertainment
(Page 5)
Parsifal
is the kind of opera that starts at six o'clock; after it has been going three hours, you look at your watch and it says 6:20.
David Randolph
American choral conductor, director, teacher & radio host
Entertainment
Reviews/Criticism
Time
Written by Richard Wagner
A body at rest tends to watch television.
Smith’s Fourth Law of Inertia
Entertainment
Murphy’s Laws
Television
C. Guy Smith
I don't make jokes… I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers
(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Entertainment
Government
Jokes
Stand-up is a lot like sex… there’s a lot of crying involved and I get paid to do it.
Whitney Cummings
(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Entertainment
Sex
Stand-up comedy
It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf.
Walter Lippmann
(1889 – 1974) American intellectual, writer, reporter & political commentator
Entertainment
Intelligence
Music
Wisdom
Audiences
Shouting in the evenings.
Patrick Troughton
(1920 – 1987) English actor
Acting
Entertainment
Defining acting on stage
I started my career in kindergarten playing a tube of toothpaste in a hygiene play.
Henry Winkler
(1945 – ) American actor, director, comedian, producer & author
Acting
Entertainment
Occupations
Work
Playing ‘Bop’ is like
‘Scrabble’
with all the vowels missing.
Duke Ellington
(1899 – 1974) American composer, pianist & bandleader
Entertainment
Music
Bop
He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.
John Mason Brown
(1900 – 1969) American drama critic & author
Acting
Reviews/Criticism
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
Steve Martin
(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Entertainment
Comedy
I would like to be able to watch the evening news with my family and not have to explain what oral sex means to my wife.
David Feldman
American comedian & writer
Entertainment
Sex
Television
Oral sex
When they list the great things of the 20th Century, they’ll say, penicillin, Sophia Loren, jet travel and ESPN.
'Beano' Cook
(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Entertainment
Sports
Television
ESPN
People like to hear me say 'shit' in my gorgeous voice.
John Gielgud
(1904 – 2000) English actor, director & producer
Acting
Entertainment
People
Self
On his popularity in America
I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
Lily Tomlin
(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Entertainment
Ideas
Music
Muzak
My father originated the limbo dance… trying to get into a pay toilet.
Slappy White
(1921 – 1995) American comedian & actor
Dance
Entertainment
Limbo
Pay toilets
Having your book turned into a movie is like seeing your oxen turned into bouillon cubes.
John le Carré
(David John Moore Cornwell) (1931 – ) British author
Books
Communication
Entertainment
Film
Television is for appearing on, not looking at.
Noel Coward
(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment
Television
You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? … Take them to a museum and say, “This is art, and you can’t do it.”
Steve Martin
(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Art
Entertainment
It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Entertainment
People
Self
Prom
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
Frank ‘Kin’ Hubbard
(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Communication
Entertainment
Listening
Theatre director: a person engaged by the management to conceal the fact that the players cannot act.
James Agate
(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Acting
Definitions
Entertainment
Occupations
Theatre director
Page 5 of 37
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