Subject: Entertainment » Television

I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said,“Forget everything you know about slipcovers,” so I did, and it was a load off my mind; then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn’t know what the hell they were.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's Day, so I tied my boyfriend up… and for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.

American comedian

If it’s attention you want, don’t get involved with a man during play-off season.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

My Comedy Channel – Fox News

My News Channel Comedy Central

I don’t like to watch golf on television because I can’t stand people who whisper.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author

English Channel: The BBC.

I don't know what was wrong with my television last night, but I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station, and I actually bought a congressman.

(1951 – ) American comedian & writer

Begathon: A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so you won't have to watch commercials.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Never pass up a chance to have sex or appear on television.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter

I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.

(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General

The first Presidential debate was down in Florida and residents spent all day putting plywood on their televisions.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

Radio is the theater of the mind; television is the theater of the mindless.

(1921 – 2000) comedian, television host, musician, actor & writer

You might be a redneck if… an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

The one function that TV news performs very well is that, when there is no news, we give it you with the same emphasis as if there were.

(1920 – 2003) American television newscaster

The only new show worth watching will be cancelled.

I told them sandwiches.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion

You might be a redneck if… your down where you come from reruns of Hee Haw are called documentaries.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

TV: a clever contraction, derived from the words Terrible Vaudeville; we call it a medium, because nothing's well done.

(Aiskowitz) (1899 – 1982) humorist

You know that show 'Teen Mom'? … or if you're from the South, 'Mom.'

(1981 – ) American Comedian

If there are only two shows worth watching, they will be on at the same time.













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