Subject: Entertainment » Television

Never buy a man a plasma TV until you’re married; a lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don’t need a girlfriend.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author

TV: a clever contraction, derived from the words Terrible Vaudeville; we call it a medium, because nothing's well done.

(Aiskowitz) (1899 – 1982) humorist

Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets — unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel… then, it's pretty easy, just tune in for a few minutes.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

This is good because up until now, the only channel to find 24-hour coverage of the NFL players was Court TV.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian

Enraged by Bristol Palin on ‘Dancing,’ Man Shoots TV, Prompts Standoff

All television is children's television.

advertising expert & editor

Hey, Alex – You know the really great thing about television? If something important happens, anywhere in the world, night or day… you can always change the channel.

(1938 – ) American actor

Color television! Bah, I won’t believe it until I see it in black and white.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

(1946 – ) American comedian

Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer

I don't like sex on television… I keep falling off.


There’s nothing but porn on TV these days. I tell you, it makes me so angry, I sit on the end of my bed and shake my fist at it.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

English Channel: The BBC.

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

(1924 – 1975) American writer, screenwriter & creator of The Twilight Zone

The one function that TV news performs very well is that, when there is no news, we give it you with the same emphasis as if there were.

(1920 – 2003) American television newscaster

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

Motor racing's less of a sport these days than a commercial break doing 150 mph.

sportswriter

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Television: A watching machine.

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