Subject: Entertainment » Television (Page 2)

I don’t want to say too much about illegal immigration; I’m afraid my views will be reported on the Cinco O’Clock News.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

Dealing with network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks.

(1912 – 1992) American news journalist

Argentina invaded the Falklands because they had ESPN and the Argentines wanted to get the late scores.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator

I love sports; whenever I can, I always watch the Detroit Tigers on the radio.

(1913 – 2006) 36th U.S. president

Begathon: A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so you won't have to watch commercials.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician

You might be a redneck if… you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets — unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel… then, it's pretty easy, just tune in for a few minutes.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your bookcase.

English standup comedian

I don’t like to watch golf on television because I can’t stand people who whisper.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author

If vaudeville had died, television was the box they put it in.

(1928 – 2009) American television writer, playwright, screenwriter & author

Remember that show My Three Sons? … it’d be funny if it was called My One Dad.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist

Television is like the American toaster, you push the button and the same thing pops up every time.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

(1894 – 1956) radio comedian

ESPN is like your family, it’s always there: the networks are like your mother-in-law… they are there on the weekends.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator

Hey, Alex – You know the really great thing about television? If something important happens, anywhere in the world, night or day… you can always change the channel.

(1938 – ) American actor

The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people and don't come in clearly enough.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight?

disc jockey, screenwriter & humorist

My husband went to Radio Shack and got some dog ears for the TV.

The prize on that show: another contestant.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian