Subject: Entertainment » Television (Page 2)

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

(1867 – 1959) architect, interior designer, writer & educator

The first Presidential debate was down in Florida and residents spent all day putting plywood on their televisions.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence; they got one marked “brightness” but it don’t work, does it?

(1946 – ) American comedian

My husband went to Radio Shack and got some dog ears for the TV.

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday… so I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian

If there are only two shows worth watching, they will be on at the same time.

I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.

(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

Isn't it possible for them to get a real fascist instead of this guy who plays one on TV?

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

If the World Series goes seven games, it will be NBC's longest running show this fall.

(1925 – 2005) television host

There’s nothing but porn on TV these days. I tell you, it makes me so angry, I sit on the end of my bed and shake my fist at it.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I bought a portable cable TV.


If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I would like to be able to watch the evening news with my family and not have to explain what oral sex means to my wife.

American comedian & writer

I told them sandwiches.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and selling your story to T.V.!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

In Russia we only had two TV channels: Channel One was propaganda, Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: “Turn back at once to Channel One.”

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian

Motor racing's less of a sport these days than a commercial break doing 150 mph.


Television: A watching machine.

Never buy a man a plasma TV until you’re married; a lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don’t need a girlfriend.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author
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