Quotes and One Liners
short humorous quotes, jokes, definitions, Murphy's Laws & more
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Frank ‘Kin’ Hubbard
George Bernard Shaw
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
(1894 – 1956) radio comedian
If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.
Law of Reruns
Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV; that's how I was raised and I turned out TV.
cartoon character in
Sometimes cameras and television are good to people and sometimes they aren’t; I don’t know if it’s the way you say it, or how you look.
(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
disc jockey, screenwriter & humorist
is a truly bizarre blend of programming as it mixes prison and rap culture with Revenge of the Nerds.
“Chozen: Season 1”
You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Color television! Bah, I won’t believe it until I see it in black and white.
(1879 – 1974) film producer
The first Presidential debate was down in Florida and residents spent all day putting plywood on their televisions.
(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Enraged by Bristol Palin on ‘Dancing,’ Man Shoots TV, Prompts Standoff
The Journal Sentinel (Milwaukee)
I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.
Dwight D. 'Ike' Eisenhower
(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General
Television opened up a whole new field of unemployment for him.
(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Of John Barrymore
The prize on that show: another contestant.
(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
The Dating Game
Television: A watching machine.
Television has raised writing to a new low.
(1879 – 1974) film producer
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
(1935 – ) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Last night, me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back… luckily, I was the one facing the telly.
(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
I don't like sex on television… I keep falling off.
Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home.
(1939 – ) British journalist, comedian, writer & media personality
Isn't it possible for them to get a real fascist instead of this guy who plays one on TV?
(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
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