Quotes and One Liners
humorous one liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Frank ‘Kin’ Hubbard
George Bernard Shaw
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I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's Day, so I tied my boyfriend up… and for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.
Sometimes cameras and television are good to people and sometimes they aren’t; I don’t know if it’s the way you say it, or how you look.
(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Color television! Bah, I won’t believe it until I see it in black and white.
(1879 – 1974) film producer
You're flickin' around, all of a sudden – boom – you're watching a mole for an hour-and-a-half.
(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor
Hey, Alex – You know the really great thing about television? If something important happens, anywhere in the world, night or day… you can always change the channel.
(1938 – ) American actor
As Jim Ignatowski in “Taxi”
On the TV screen, pure drivel tends to drive off ordinary drivel.
The prize on that show: another contestant.
(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
The Dating Game
Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs.
(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
You might be a redneck if… an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Television: A watching machine.
I bought a portable cable TV.
This is good because up until now, the only channel to find 24-hour coverage of the NFL players was Court TV.
(1963 – ) television host & comedian
On the NFL starting its own cable network
My Comedy Channel – Fox News
My News Channel Comedy Central
The one function that TV news performs very well is that, when there is no news, we give it you with the same emphasis as if there were.
(1920 – 2003) American television newscaster
I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
, an American humor magazine
It used to be that we in films were the lowest form of art; now we have something to look down on.
(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
The best that can be said for Norwegian television is that it gives you the sensation of a coma without the worry and inconvenience
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
I don't watch television, I think it destroys the art of talking about oneself.
(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
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