Quotes and One Liners
humorous one liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Some Popular Authors
Frank ‘Kin’ Hubbard
George Bernard Shaw
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As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
(1936 – ) television talk show host
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die; I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help."
(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.
(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Motor racing's less of a sport these days than a commercial break doing 150 mph.
Begathon: A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so you won't have to watch commercials.
(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
is a truly bizarre blend of programming as it mixes prison and rap culture with Revenge of the Nerds.
“Chozen: Season 1”
Men don’t care what’s on TV… they only care what
is on TV.
(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Sometimes cameras and television are good to people and sometimes they aren’t; I don’t know if it’s the way you say it, or how you look.
(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
You might be a redneck if… an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
The one function that TV news performs very well is that, when there is no news, we give it you with the same emphasis as if there were.
(1920 – 2003) American television newscaster
I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
(1947 – ) comedian & television host
TV: a clever contraction, derived from the words Terrible Vaudeville; we call it a medium, because nothing's well done.
(Aiskowitz) (1899 – 1982) humorist
It used to be that we in films were the lowest form of art; now we have something to look down on.
(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Why should people go out and pay to see bad movies when they can stay home and see bad television for nothing.
(1879 – 1974) film producer
Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy.
Richard M. Nixon
(1913 – 1994) 37th U.S. president
Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
, an American humor magazine
Oh, there's so much nudity on TV, I just sit there shaking my fist.
Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV; that's how I was raised and I turned out TV.
cartoon character in
Remember that show
My Three Sons
? … it’d be funny if it was called
My One Dad
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
My Three Sons
MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken.
(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
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