Quotes and One Liners
humorous quotations, expressions, proverbs, definitions & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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The program you've been looking forward to all week will be preempted.
Jones's Third Law of TV Programming
Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home.
(1939 – ) British journalist, comedian, writer & media personality
Color television! Bah, I won’t believe it until I see it in black and white.
(1879 – 1974) film producer
My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.
Peter De Vries
(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
You might be a redneck if… you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.
(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
I would like to be able to watch the evening news with my family and not have to explain what oral sex means to my wife.
American comedian & writer
I know what the public want because I am one of them.
(1906 – 1998) Russian-born English film producer & media mogul
I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
(1947 – ) comedian & television host
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die; I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help."
(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Begathon: A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so you won't have to watch commercials.
(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
You don't even know what they're selling until the very end: three rabbits are on a log, and one of them goes home and hangs himself – 'Buy a bike!'
(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Super Bowl commercials
There’s nothing but porn on TV these days. I tell you, it makes me so angry, I sit on the end of my bed and shake my fist at it.
Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
When they list the great things of the 20th Century, they’ll say, penicillin, Sophia Loren, jet travel and ESPN.
(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Dictum on television scripts: We don't want it good – we want it Tuesday.
(1922 – ) English comedy writer & television presenter
I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's Day, so I tied my boyfriend up… and for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.
Why should people go out and pay to see bad movies when they can stay home and see bad television for nothing.
(1879 – 1974) film producer
I don't like sex on television… I keep falling off.
Television: A medium; so called because it is neither rare nor well done.
(1919 – 1962) American comedian, actor & writer
is a truly bizarre blend of programming as it mixes prison and rap culture with Revenge of the Nerds.
“Chozen: Season 1”
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