Quotes and One Liners
humorous quotations, expressions, proverbs, headlines & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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Hey, Alex – You know the really great thing about television? If something important happens, anywhere in the world, night or day… you can always change the channel.
(1938 – ) American actor
As Jim Ignatowski in “Taxi”
I love sports; whenever I can, I always watch the Detroit Tigers on the radio.
(1913 – 2006) 36th U.S. president
Dictum on television scripts: We don't want it good – we want it Tuesday.
(1922 – ) English comedy writer & television presenter
Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs.
(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
You're flickin' around, all of a sudden – boom – you're watching a mole for an hour-and-a-half.
(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor
I think TV is very educational; every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
You might be a redneck if… an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets — unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel… then, it's pretty easy, just tune in for a few minutes.
(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Last night, me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back… luckily, I was the one facing the telly.
(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Remember that show
My Three Sons
? … it’d be funny if it was called
My One Dad
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
My Three Sons
Argentina invaded the Falklands because they had ESPN and the Argentines wanted to get the late scores.
(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.
Dwight D. 'Ike' Eisenhower
(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General
My Comedy Channel – Fox News
My News Channel Comedy Central
It used to be that we in films were the lowest form of art; now we have something to look down on.
(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Never buy a man a plasma TV until you’re married; a lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don’t need a girlfriend.
(1963 – ) American comedian & author
On the TV screen, pure drivel tends to drive off ordinary drivel.
If it’s attention you want, don’t get involved with a man during play-off season.
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home.
(1939 – ) British journalist, comedian, writer & media personality
You ever look for the remote control and can’t find it, so you just decide, ‘Ah, it looks like I’m not watching TV.”
(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
disc jockey, screenwriter & humorist
It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
(1924 – 1975) American writer, screenwriter & creator of
The Twilight Zone
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