Quotes and One Liners
humorous quotations, headlines, definitions, epitaphs, reviews & more
Browse by Subject
Some Popular Authors
Frank ‘Kin’ Hubbard
George Bernard Shaw
View All Authors
Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy.
Richard M. Nixon
(1913 – 1994) 37th U.S. president
Television is for appearing on – not for looking at.
(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets — unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel… then, it's pretty easy, just tune in for a few minutes.
(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
I told them sandwiches.
(1949 – ) American boxing champion
On what he planned on building in an appearance on the TV show "Home Improvement"
If it’s attention you want, don’t get involved with a man during play-off season.
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
In honor of the late George Carlin, here are seven more words you can't say on TV: "And the Emmy goes to Bob Saget."
(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV; that's how I was raised and I turned out TV.
cartoon character in
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
(1894 – 1956) radio comedian
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
(1894 – 1956) radio comedian
Television: A watching machine.
I don’t want to say too much about illegal immigration; I’m afraid my views will be reported on the Cinco O’Clock News.
(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Entertainment is a thing of the past, today we’ve got television.
All In the Family
I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said,“Forget everything you know about slipcovers,” so I did, and it was a load off my mind; then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn’t know what the hell they were.
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
All television is children's television.
Richard P. Adler
advertising expert & editor
I don't know what was wrong with my television last night, but I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station, and I actually bought a congressman.
(1951 – ) American comedian & writer
You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your bookcase.
English standup comedian
You're flickin' around, all of a sudden – boom – you're watching a mole for an hour-and-a-half.
(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor
Dealing with network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks.
(1912 – 1992) American news journalist
I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.
Dwight D. 'Ike' Eisenhower
(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General
Men don’t care what’s on TV… they only care what
is on TV.
(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Page 2 of 6
Copyright © Just-One-Liners.com