Subject: Epitaphs


Humorous, wry or ironic inscriptions from tombs or graves (or a brief statement commemorating or epitomizing) the memory of a deceased person.

She was not smart, she was not fair, but hearts with grief for her are swellin'; all empty stands her little chair: she died of eatin' water-mellon.

“Here lies my wife in earthy mold, Who when she died and naught but scold. Good friends go softly in your walking lest she should wake and rise up talking”

I am woman here me roar. And boy did she.

H. L. Mencken 1880 – 1956 – If after I depart this vale you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner, and wink your eye at some homely girl

Here lies Lord Coningsby – be civil, the rest God knows – so does the Devil.

Bill Blake – was hanged by mistake.

Here lies the body of Martha Dias, Who was always uneasy and not over pious, She liv'd to the age of threescore and ten, And gave that to the worms she refus'd to the men.

She tormented him until he dried up like a bundle of Straw.

Life is a jest, and all things show it; I thought so once and now I know it.

He never won immortal fame, nor conquered earthly ills, but men weep for him all the same, he always paid his bills.

Beneath this grassy Mound now rests One Edgar Oscar Earl, Who to another Hunter looked Exactly like a squirrel.

Here lies the body of Detlof Swenson, waiter. God finally caught his eye.

Well this was fun, let's dit again sometime.

She loved me and my grandchildren reverenced her. She bathed my feet and kept my socks well darned.

Here lies the body of old Uncle David, who died in the hope of being saved. Where he's gone or how he fares, nobody knows and nobody cares.

Wherever you be, let your wind go free. For holding it in, was the killing of me.

We must all die there is no doubt – Your glass is running… mine is out

Beneath this stone a lump of clay, lies Uncle Peter Dan'els – who early in the month of May, took off his winter flannels.

John and Lydia, that blooming pair, a whale killed him and her body lies here.

Samuel Gardner was blind in one eye and in a moment of confusion he stepped out of a receiving and discharging door in one of the warehouses into the ineffable glories of the celestial sphere.

Shall all we die? We shall die all. All die shall we? Die all we shall.

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