Subject: Exaggerations


Humorous overstated descriptions of things or conditions taken to ridiculous extremes.

She is so ugly… when she walked in to Taco Bell, everyone ran for the border.

It is so hot… today I saw a funeral procession pull into a Dairy Queen.

She is so fat… the police told her to break it up.

He is so dumb… his dog teaches him tricks.

It was so cold… polar bears were buying fur coats.

She is so fat… when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

So windy he could blow up an onion sack.

He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

He is so poor… he can't even pay attention.

He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child; she must be found and stopped.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

He's so fat… when he goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

She is so fat… she can't even jump to conclusions.

It was so cold… my shadow froze to the sidewalk.

He is so ugly… when he throws a boomerang it won’t come back.

His car is so expensive that instead of a stereo, Pavaratti takes requests from the back seat.

He is so ugly… the psychiatrist makes him lie face down.

She is so old… she was the waitress at the last supper.

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