Subject: Exaggerations (Page 4)

He is so fat… in the summer he can sell shade.

She is so fat… when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.

It is so hot… I saw a squirrel fanning his nuts.

She is so fat… she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

It was so cold… the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.

He is so fat… when he steps on a scale, it reads "one at a time, please."

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child; she must be found and stopped.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist

He is so old… I told him to act his own age, and he died.

The mosquitoes in Louisiana are so big, they can stand flat foot and screw a chicken!

She is so fat… when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

He is so fat… when he gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

It is so hot… today I saw a funeral procession pull into a Dairy Queen.

She is so slow… she has to speed up to stop.

He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.

It is so hot… by the time I got home from buying eggs, I had twelve chicks in the bag.

She is so old… her dreams are in black and white.

It is so hot… potatoes cook underground.

It was so cold… when we milked the cows, we got ice cream.

It is so hot… chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

He is so poor… he can't even pay attention.