Subject: Family » Children

The sun always rises in the baby's bedroom window.

Kids… it’s like living with homeless people.

(1965 – ) American comedian

Every child is an artist; the problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.

(1881 – 1973) Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker & stage designer

Baby: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

(1888 – 1957) English priest & theologian

I actually adopted a baby; I wanted a highway, but it was a lot of red tape.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow; we called her Melony.

(1964 – ) English comedian

Adults are just obsolete children.

Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904 – 1991) author & illustrator

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

The ambition of every small boy is to wash his mother’s ears.

You kids are disgusting! Standing around here all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

My wife and I decided we don’t want children; if someone wants them, we’ll drop them off tomorrow.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

If men had to have babies, they would only ever have one each.

With the birth of a child you lose two novels.

(1955 – ) Scottish writer

If it tastes good, you can't have it; if it tastes awful, you'd better clean your plate.

Alarm clock: An instrument used to wake up people who have no kids.

I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like; it was born 15 minutes ago… it looks like a potato.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & writer

There is a special bathroom in heaven for the father of girls.

I never met a kid I liked.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

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