Subject: Family » Children

I’m from Chicago, but I pay child support in Seattle; I’m just kidding – I don’t pay child support.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer

I am fond of children (except boys).

(1832 – 1898) English author, mathematician, logician & photographer

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow; we called her Melony.

(1964 – ) English comedian

Never let a child wearing Superman pajamas sleep on the top bunk.

Many children threaten at times to run away from home — this is the only thing that keeps many parents going.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

Out of the mouths of babes comes cereal.

Whatever is on the floor will wind up in your baby’s mouth; whatever is in your baby’s mouth will wind up on the floor.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist

Familiarity breeds contempt… and children.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, ‘holds 6-12 pounds’ they’re not kidding!

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

It’s really hard being a single mom nowadays – which is why I don’t have children.

American-Mexican stand-up comedian & actress

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.

(1959 – ) American comedian

You see much more of your children once they leave home.

(1911 – 1989) television actress

You make ‘em, I amuse ‘em.

Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904 – 1991) author & illustrator

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Having kids is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor

There is no more somber enemy of good art than the pram in the hall.

(1903 – 1974) English intellectual, literary critic & writer

In order to influence a child, one must be careful not to be that child’s parent or grandparent.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

I would like to give these kids a good home; in fact, there’s one a few miles away from here…

(1957 – 2008) American comedian & actor

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that a child cannot do much harm one way or another.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

<a href=””><img border=”0″ alt=”Help children living with autism with one click. The Autism Site” src=””></img></a>

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