Subject: Family » Children (Page 4)

The Baby Owner’s Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance

Book Titles Children

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage; Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Children Family Situations

Back then the women had babies, which they called in them days, begatten.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Children Malaprops

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Age Children Government Law Lawyers Young

"It’s the violence in the media that's the problem…" no, the problem is a lot of your kids are dicks and you won’t do shit about it.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Children Family

I love all my children… I’m delighted to see them come and delighted to see them go.

(1912 – 2002) English novelist
Children Family

My daughter's tricycle said “Some Assembly Required” … it came in a jar!

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Children Family Problems

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I’ve done my job.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Children Family Mothers

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory… an empty gin bottle.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Appearance Children Clothing Family

Having kids is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Children Family

If I had a baby, I would have to name it so I’d buy a baby naming book… or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Children Family

Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Children Family

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Animals Children Dogs Family

Adults are just obsolete children.

Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904 – 1991) author & illustrator
Children People

I think that I would be a good father… especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Alcohol Children Family Fathers

Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore, And that’s what parents were created for.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Children Family Fathers Mothers Parents

Give to a pig when it grunts and a child when it cries, and you will have a fine pig and a bad child.

Children Family Proverbs

During the summer I like to go to the beach and make sand castles out of cement, and wait for kids to run by and try to kick them over.

comedian & actor
Activities Children

I refuse to admit I'm more than 52, even if that does make my sons illegitimate.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Age Children Old

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Children Family Mothers

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Characteristics Children Fear Health People