Subject: Family » Children (Page 5)

I never met a kid I liked.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Family Relationships

Children should be heard, not obscene.

Children Murphy’s Laws

One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.

Children Family Murphy’s Laws

By the tine the youngest children have learned to keep the house tidy, the oldest grandchildren are on hand to tear it to pieces.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Children Family

I’ve got two children; to be honest I always wanted three children; now I’ve got two, I only want one.

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Children Family

Cambridge is the kind of place where you can walk into a children’s bookstore and find a self-help section.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Children Intelligence Places

Kids… I like kids, but I couldn’t eat a whole one.

Age Children Family Travel

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and says he’s doing nothing, but the dog is barking, call 911.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Children Family Situations

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage; Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Children Family Situations

For the parent of a Little Leaguer, a baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into innings.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist
Children Family Parents

[Charles Dickens] was the bravest man who ever lived; he fathered ten children before they became tax deductions.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Family Money Taxes

Whatever is on the floor will wind up in your baby’s mouth; whatever is in your baby’s mouth will wind up on the floor.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Children Family

Money – the one thing that keeps us in touch with our children.

(1948 – ) English writer, broadcaster, actor & politician
Children Family Money

I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50; so I said, “Give me two boys and a girl.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children Entertainment Money

You don’t have favorites among your children but you do have allies.

(1975 – ) British novelist
Children Family

I’ve got a long history of suicide in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I’m lucky, my kids will kill themselves.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Children Family

Wrinkles are hereditary; parents get them from their children.

(1924 – ) American actress & singer
Appearance Children Family Parents

Children in a family are like flowers in a bouquet: there’s always one determined to face in an opposite direction from the way the arranger desires.

writer
Children Family

Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

(1974 – ) American comedian
Children Family

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible… and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist
Children Family Parents Success

You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
Animals Children Insults