Subject: Family » Fathers (Page 2)

I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father’s religion, if they can find out what it is.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist

The worst misfortune that can happen to an ordinary man is to have an extraordinary father.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist

Once on my birthday my ol’ man gave me a bat; the first day I played with it, it flew away.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father’s religion, if they can find out what it is.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist

One time, my own father caught me watching a porno movie… the one thing you don’t want to hear in that situation is, ‘Son, move over.’

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

The fundamental defect of fathers is that they want their children to be a credit to them.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic

My dad fought in World War II, and he never talks about it, of course – ’cause he’s Japanese.

comedian

My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.

(1963 – ) American stand-up comedian

My father is schizophrenic, but he’s good people.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

You might be a redneck if… your dad walks you to school because you’re in the same grade.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake; he told me, “Wait til it gets warmer.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

My father was a man of few words and I remember him saying to me, “Son…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I have a gold watch he [my father] sold to me on his deathbed; I wrote him a check for it… post-dated of course.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

If men had to have babies, they would only ever have one each.



Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

(384 BC – 322 BC) Greek philosopher

I’m so ugly – my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic

I’m sure wherever my dad is he’s looking down on us… he’s not dead… just very condescending.

(1988 – ) English comedian, television presenter & actor

Before he died my father told me he never really walked to school without any shoes.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby… because he’s Jewish and I’m Protestant and the baby’s father is Catholic.

Canadian-American comedian & writer

Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host