Subject: Family » Parents

For the parent of a Little Leaguer, a baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into innings.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist

When I was kidnapped my parents snapped into action… they rented out my room.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

American comedian

I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

I think it’s a good idea; it keeps the parents off the streets.

(1927 – ) professional baseball player & coach

If you’ve never been hated by your child, you’ve never been a parent.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist

We kept Mommy on a pedestal… it was the only way we could keep Daddy off her. – of life in a family with 12 children

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress

My parents only had one argument in forty-five years; it lasted forty-three years.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor

Many children threaten at times to run away from home — this is the only thing that keeps many parents going.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.

(1900 – 1944) French aristocrat, writer, poet & pioneering aviator

One year my parents got me Hide and Seek for Christmas.

(1968 – ) Welsh comedian

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn’t have anything to do with it.

(1922 – 1973) Israeli teacher & child psychologist

The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, “We want five thousand dollars or you’ll see your kid again.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me… no one showed up.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that’s the law.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

I was raised by my father; my mother left before I was born.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Little League baseball is a good thing ’cause it keeps the parents off the streets, and it keeps the kids out of the house!

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Parents: People who bear infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

The Hunger Site