Subject: Food/Drink

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Never eat more than you can lift.

Muppet character (Frank Oz)

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

He's got a nutritionist, and I've got room service.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion

My favorite animal is steak.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

To eat is human, to digest, divine.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The main difference between playing League and Union is that now I get my hangovers on Monday instead of Sunday.

Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

My DNA is cheeseburgers.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion

An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.

Aah beer, the cause of – and solution to – all life’s problems. 

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

There's no such thing as a large whiskey.

You can't drown yourself in drink… I've tried, you float.

(1882 – 1942) American actor

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.

Coach: How about a beer, Norm?

Norm: Hey I’m high on life, Coach… of course, beer is my life.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

I never drink water; that’s the stuff that rusts pipes.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Life is just a bowl of pits.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

When my mother had to get dinner for eight she'd just make enough for 16 and only serve half.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)

Cookbooks bear the same relation to real books that microwave food bears to your grandmother’s.

(1946 – ) Romanian-born American poet, novelist, essayist & commentator

Man: I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time.

Fields: A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

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