Subject: Food/Drink

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers… the original meal was never found.

(1959 – ) British/American actress, comedian, director, author & screenwriter

Char: Common method of cooking over a campfire.

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew; I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon… and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

One drink is just right; two is too many; three are too few.

I would have become a Hare Krishna but I didn’t want to become a vegetarian… and that is honestly the reason why – because I’m Italian, I love meatballs!

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)

Grilled Chicken Ass

Coach: How about a beer, Norm?

Norm: Hey I’m high on life, Coach… of course, beer is my life.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

Diet Drink/Soda: A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Tofu is made of soybeans, water, and magnesium chloride.

The difference between a chef and a cook is the difference between a wife and a prostitute; cooks do meals for people they know and love, chefs do it anonymously for anyone who’s got the price.

(1954 – ) British writer & critic

Someone asked me recently – what would I rather give up, food or sex; neither! … I'm not falling for that one again, Wife!

(1980 – ) English comedian & novelist

Everything tastes more or less like chicken.

It’s useless to hold a person to anything he says while he’s in love, drunk, or running for office.

(1934 – ) American actress, dancer, activist & author

Vegetable: A substance used to ballast a child’s plate while it’s carried to and from the table.

Drinking should be done in the privacy of one’s home, where it’s necessary.

(1921 – ) American actor

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

This stuff tastes awful. I could make a fortune selling it in my health food store.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I drink to make other people seem more interesting.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.

Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Of course, now I touch nothing stronger than buttermilk: 90-proof buttermilk.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
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