Subject: Food/Drink

Woody: What’s going on Mr. Peterson?

Norm: The question is, “What’s going in Mr. Peterson?” A beer please, Woody.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

I was drinking tea the other day, and I thought: they used to fight wars over this.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft will encounter turbulence.

If you want to eat well in England, eat three breakfasts.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Why spoil a good meal with a big tip?

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor

You cannot trust people who have such bad cuisine; it is the country with the worst food after Finland.

(1932 – ) French statesman & president

I'm sick of 'soup of the day,' it's time we made a decision.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

There’s many a slip twixt the cup and the lip.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups; the very first one will say, 'Jesus!… this cup is expensive!'

(1963 – ) television host & comedian

They say Flintstonesvitamins are chewable; all vitamins are chewable, it's just that they taste shitty.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers; what I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

I will not eat oysters; I want my food dead… not sick… not wounded… dead.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Marge, your cooking only has two moves: Shake and Bake.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I had one anchovy, that's why I didn't have two anchovies.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian

The church is near, but the road is icy; the bar is far away, but I will walk carefully.

I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the f**ker gave me the smallest slice possible; if the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the f**ker gave me the “donate it to charity” slice.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

The difference between a chef and a cook is the difference between a wife and a prostitute; cooks do meals for people they know and love, chefs do it anonymously for anyone who’s got the price.

(1954 – ) British writer & critic

In Mexico, we have a word for sushi… bait.

(1945 – 2008) American comedian & musician
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