Subject: Food/Drink

Avoid fruit and nuts; you are what you eat.

(1945 –) American cartoonist (Garfield)
Eating Food/Drink Wordplay

The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the dish.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

My favorite animal is steak.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Food/Drink

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

(1952 – ) American writer & comedian
Animals Eating Food/Drink

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Food/Drink Time

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Food/Drink Health

You can't drown yourself in drink… I've tried, you float.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

Whenever you see the word “cuisine” used instead of the word “food,” be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Eating Food/Drink

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s a wife who can’t cook and will.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Cooking Food/Drink Marriage Wives

Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink

When it comes to Chinese food I have always operated under the policy that the less known about the preparation the better.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Food/Drink

The thing restaurants always boast about now is home made cooking… I don’t want home made cooking, that’s why I’m here, because I don’t like the s**t at home!

(1964 – ) English comedian, writer, actor & musician
Food/Drink

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Money

Nouvelle Cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can’t believe I paid ninety-six dollars and I’m still hungry.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink

I like eating Black Forest ham because it sounds like I had to kill a troll to get it.

comedian
Food/Drink

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce.

(1563 – 1608) Italian Catholic priest
Beliefs Cooking England Food/Drink Places Religion

The closest thing I have to a nutritionist is the Carlsberg Beer Company.

(1976 – ) Irish actor
Beer Eating Food/Drink Health

I hope God speaks English; if I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Beliefs Communication Eating God Language

Cliff: Hey, Norm: What’s up?

Norm: My blood-alcohol level.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

He has a profound respect for old age… especially when it’s bottled.

(1890 – 1960) journalist, author & dramatist
Age Alcohol

In Seattle you haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running.

(1964 – ) American founder, president, CEO & chairman of Amazon
Food/Drink Places