Subject: Food/Drink

The announcement of the disqualification was greeted by booze from the spectators at the pool.

I saw this woman breast-feeding in a movie theater; I was disgusted so I finally said to her, “Hey lady, no outside food is permitted!”

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian

The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare.

(1949 – ) American actor & environmentalist

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Now don’t get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin’ ‘em more… fun to pet, better to chew.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

They didn't hesitate: Wendy's, McDonald's, Pizza Hut, and Burger King.

Denver Bronco team nutritionist

Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry

(1976 – ) American actress & singer

We are in such a slump that even the ones that aren’t drinkin’ aren’t hittin’.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

There are two impossibilities in life: “just one drink” and “an honest politician.”

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the f**ker gave me the smallest slice possible; if the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the f**ker gave me the “donate it to charity” slice.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

When you have bacon and eggs for breakfast, the chicken makes a contribution… the pig makes a commitment.

(1925 – 1990) Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager

Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups; the very first one will say, 'Jesus!… this cup is expensive!'

(1963 – ) television host & comedian

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist

I'm not saying it's right; I'm just saying, every night millions of people go to bed hungry, and every day we bury perfectly good cuts of meat.

American comedian & writer

When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

Three things are bad for you: I can't remember the first two, but doughnuts are the third.

football coach













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