Subject: Food/Drink

The British tourist is always happy abroad as long as the natives are waiters.

(1908 – 1992) English actor

Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content.

Coffee in England always tastes like a chemistry experiment.

(1890 – 1976) British crime writer of novels, short stories & plays

I eat like a vulture… unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure.

I’ve never been in a rotating restaurant, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, I put her on it, and I gave her a burrito.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Coffee isn’t my cup of tea.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

Let’s go to lunch, I'm emancipated!

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it – if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

American actor & comedian

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian

Caramel: A substance for extracting children’s teeth.

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

(1879 – 1964) British politician

At my house we pray AFTER we eat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

[Tequila] is not even a drink; it’s a way for having the cops around without using a phone.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer

I think Pringle’s intention was to make tennis balls, but the day the rubber was supposed to show up, they got a big load of potatoes instead; but Pringles was a laid-back company and they said, "f**k it, cut 'em up."

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people “the cops.”

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

I like cottage cheese. That's why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.