Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

What am I drinking? … NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Love makes the world go ‘round? Not at all; whiskey makes it go ‘round twice as fast.

(1883–1972) British writer, cultural commentator & Scottish nationalist

The main difference between playing League and Union is that now I get my hangovers on Monday instead of Sunday.

I drink to make other people interesting.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

They were persecuted at the turn of the century by the U.S. government – that's right: Prohibition.

comedian, television writer

All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Not all chemicals are bad; without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

As soon as they get married, they all get these big old guts on them; that's not from drinking beer – that's from swallowing pride.

stand-up comedian

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

If you are allergic to alcohol… can you take shots for that?

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer

The best audience is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk.

(1877 – 1956) U.S. vice president & politician

I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling… the rest I spend foolishly.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

Put it back in the horse!

(1907 – 1976) American journalist & humorist

We thought it was a bad idea you guys got married, but we didn’t feel like we could say anything because it was open bar.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

(1706 – 1790) founding father, author, scientist, inventor & statesman

Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason… now I have a reason.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor

If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a non-alcoholic.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian