Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

Cliff: Hey, Norm: What’s up?

Norm: My blood-alcohol level.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

I am not so think as you drunk I am.

(1884 – 1958) British poet, writer, historian & literary editor

His brain is a half-inch layer of champagne poured over a bucket of Methodist near-beer.

(1873 – 1945) journalist & author

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

(1953 – ) American singer, songwriter, actor, author & radio personality

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people “the cops.”

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

We thought it was a bad idea you guys got married, but we didn’t feel like we could say anything because it was open bar.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian

Pour him out of here!

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.

Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist

When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.

(1930 – ) American journalist & author

A drunkard is like a whiskey-bottle, all neck and belly and no head.

Being a Scotsman, I am naturally opposed to water in its undiluted state.

(1870 – 1934) British golf course architect

I never drink water… fish f**k in it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills… my doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case; coincidence?

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
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