Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

I have taken more good from alcohol than alcohol has taken from me.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

There's no such thing as a large whiskey.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

If you are allergic to alcohol… can you take shots for that?

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer

Egbert: Was I in here last night and did I spend a twenty-dollar bill?
Bartender: Yeah.
Egbert: Oh boy, what a load that is off my mind. I thought I’d lost it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.

(1869 – 1946) American novelist & dramatist

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.

(1932 – ) American singer

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian

It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture.

(1927 – ) playwright & screenwriter

Candy, is dandy, but liquor, is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

(1953 – ) American singer, songwriter, actor, author & radio personality

I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian

The church is near, but the road is icy; the bar is far away, but I will walk carefully.

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

The main difference between playing League and Union is that now I get my hangovers on Monday instead of Sunday.

Never program and drink beer at the same time.