Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

Thou shalt not covet they neighbors’s house… unless they have a well-stocked bar.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

If you drink like a fish, don't drive… swim.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

freelance writer

Alcohol is ok in modification.

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer

I used to be a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.

(1937 – 2005) journalist & author

He’s so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he’d burn for three days.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Wine we need for health, and the health we need to drink vodka.

(1938 – 2010) Russian politician

The last mosquito that bit me had to book in to the Betty Ford clinic.

(1946 – ) English actress, model & author

I feel like a drunken man who doesn’t have a drink.

English football player, manager & sports commentator

Teetotaler: One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness… from all the free drinks.

(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host

I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason… now I have a reason.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor

There definitely needs to be water on the sidelines for these players, but I also had some Gatorade just in case they were allergic to the water or vice versa.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer

A man's got to believe in something… and I believe I'll have another drink.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

I envy people who drink… at least they have something to blame everything on.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
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