Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.

(1937 – 2005) journalist & author

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Alcohol: A liquid good for preserving everything except secrets.

There definitely needs to be water on the sidelines for these players, but I also had some Gatorade just in case they were allergic to the water or vice versa.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Sex with me when I'm really drunk is like being at the dentist… you can tell something's going on but you don't exactly know what it is.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director

I’d like to help you, but you don’t drink.

professional baseball player & manager

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian

One drink is just right; two is too many; three are too few.

I told my doctor, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills” and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Lindsay Lohan: Rehab Was a ‘Sobering Experience’

As soon as they get married, they all get these big old guts on them; that's not from drinking beer – that's from swallowing pride.

stand-up comedian

Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Wine makes a man better pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer

One more drink and I'd be under the host.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Never buy a drink for the road, because the road is already laid out.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor

The French drink to get loosened up for an event, to celebrate and event, and even to recover from an event.

French commission of alcoholism

I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I drink to make other people seem more interesting.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
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