Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

I used to be a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

Sleep… the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

There can be nothing more frequent than an occasional drink.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Alcohol Food/Drink Government Taxes

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case; coincidence?

Alcohol Beer Food/Drink

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.

(1937 – 2005) journalist & author
Alcohol Drugs Life Self

I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink

We thought it was a bad idea you guys got married, but we didn’t feel like we could say anything because it was open bar.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Friends Marriage Old People

Never program and drink beer at the same time.

Alcohol Beer Computers Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Things

Alcohol killed my first wife… I got home drunk one night and shot her.

(1948 – ) British stand-up comedian
Alcohol Conflict Death Food/Drink Killing

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Alcohol Food/Drink Things

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities Alcohol Exercise Food/Drink Health

The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Alcohol Baseball Food/Drink Sports

Egbert: Was I in here last night and did I spend a twenty-dollar bill?

Bartender: Yeah.

Egbert: Oh boy, what a load that is off my mind. I thought I’d lost it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

I can’t die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver.

(1904 – 1995) American comedian, jazz musician & singer
Alcohol Food/Drink Self

He has a profound respect for old age… especially when it’s bottled.

(1890 – 1960) journalist, author & dramatist
Age Alcohol

Meet me down in the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

What am I drinking? … NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink Health

An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol… it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

(1946 – 2005) Irish professional football player
Alcohol People Women

The best audience is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk.

(1877 – 1956) U.S. vice president & politician
Alcohol People Situations