Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

He has a profound respect for old age… especially when it’s bottled.

(1890 – 1960) journalist, author & dramatist

I don’t drink, I’m a totalitarian.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

There definitely needs to be water on the sidelines for these players, but I also had some Gatorade just in case they were allergic to the water or vice versa.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer

Sex with me when I'm really drunk is like being at the dentist… you can tell something's going on but you don't exactly know what it is.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Pour him out of here!

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Liquor – you can make it illegal but you can't make it unpopular.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Harry Payne Bosterly: You’re drunk!

Harold: And you’re crazy. But I’ll be sober tomorrow and you’ll be crazy for the rest of your life.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I’d like to help you, but you don’t drink.

professional baseball player & manager

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with it's just compounding the felony.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

We thought it was a bad idea you guys got married, but we didn’t feel like we could say anything because it was open bar.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian

I envy people who drink – at least they know what to blame everything on.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

I never drink water; I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Woody: What’s up?

Norm: The warranty on my liver.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.

A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk.

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian

Yeah… I remember my first beer.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

You mix two jiggers of scotch with one jigger of Metracal [a diet supplement]; so far, I’ve lost five pounds and my driver’s license.

(1927 – ) professional baseball player & coach
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