Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

(1899 – 1961) author & journalist

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with it's just compounding the felony.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I got so drunk one night I woke up in a chalk outline.

American comedian

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.

(1869 – 1946) American novelist & dramatist

Wine makes a man better pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

He has a profound respect for old age… especially when it’s bottled.

(1890 – 1960) journalist, author & dramatist

All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director

I envy people who drink – at least they know what to blame everything on.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

Rum: Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture.

(1927 – ) playwright & screenwriter

I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

There definitely needs to be water on the sidelines for these players, but I also had some Gatorade just in case they were allergic to the water or vice versa.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Beer with no alcohol — what a waste; that is like a nun with a D-cup.

(1958 – ) American actress & stand-up comedian

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.

(1937 – 2005) journalist & author
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