Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

(1899 – 1961) author & journalist

Drink ‘til she’s cute, but stop before the wedding.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

Alcohol… enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

I drink to make other people interesting.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Pour him out of here!

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

I didn’t think prohibition would last that long.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Teetotaler: One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

I feel like a drunken man who doesn’t have a drink.

English football player, manager & sports commentator

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I have taken more good from alcohol than alcohol has taken from me.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

He’s so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he’d burn for three days.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer

There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.

(1869 – 1946) American novelist & dramatist

He is not drunk, who from the floor, can rise and stand and shout for more.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

freelance writer
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