Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

(1899 – 1961) author & journalist

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

(1879 – 1964) British politician

There are two rules for drinking whisky: first, never take whisky without water, and second, never take water without whisky.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian

There wasn't a man alive who could drink me into bed!

(1907 – 1982) American journalist, editor & author

I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling… the rest I spend foolishly.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I feel like a drunken man who doesn’t have a drink.

English football player, manager & sports commentator

He’s so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he’d burn for three days.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Wine makes a man better pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer

There definitely needs to be water on the sidelines for these players, but I also had some Gatorade just in case they were allergic to the water or vice versa.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer

I used to be a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

One drink is just right; two is too many; three are too few.

Of course, now I touch nothing stronger than buttermilk: 90-proof buttermilk.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Pour him out of here!

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

I try to keep fit; I’ve got these parallel bars at home… I run at them and try to buy a drink from both of them.

(1954 – ) English comedian writer

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian

Almost nobody dances sober, unless they happen to be insane.

(1890 – 1937) author
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