Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

The best audience is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk.

(1877 – 1956) U.S. vice president & politician

It’s useless to hold a person to anything he says while he’s in love, drunk, or running for office.

(1934 – ) American actress, dancer, activist & author

An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.

When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.

(1930 – ) American journalist & author

One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

What am I drinking? … NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Abstainer: The kind of man you wouldn’t want to drink with even if he did.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor

The best research [for playing a drunk] is being a British actor for 20 years.

(1933 – ) English actor

You can't drown yourself in drink… I've tried, you float.

(1882 – 1942) American actor

A drunkard is like a whiskey-bottle, all neck and belly and no head.

Man: I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time.

Fields: A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol is a good preservative for everything but brains.

author

I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Several members of our youth department are collecting donations for Operation Graduation. Funds will be used for a drug and alcohol party following graduation on May 29th.

Candy, is dandy, but liquor, is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

Egbert: Was I in here last night and did I spend a twenty-dollar bill?

Bartender: Yeah.

Egbert: Oh boy, what a load that is off my mind. I thought I’d lost it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake – which I also keep handy.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
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