Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

If you drink like a fish, don't drive… swim.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer

I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling… the rest I spend foolishly.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

(1953 – ) American singer, songwriter, actor, author & radio personality

The best research [for playing a drunk] is being a British actor for 20 years.

(1933 – ) English actor

Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol is ok in modification.

Drinking should be done in the privacy of one’s home, where it’s necessary.

(1921 – ) American actor

The best audience is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk.

(1877 – 1956) U.S. vice president & politician

Rebecca: You guys, I have my new wedding dress. And now all I need is something old, something borrowed, and something blue.

Carla: How ‘bout Norm’s liver?

(1948 – ) American actress

My dad has a weird hobby; he collects empty bottles… which sounds so much better than “alcoholic.”

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian

All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

I used to be a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I’d like to help you, but you don’t drink.

professional baseball player & manager

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

There are two rules for drinking whisky: first, never take whisky without water, and second, never take water without whisky.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

The French drink to get loosened up for an event, to celebrate and event, and even to recover from an event.

French commission of alcoholism

There's no such thing as a large whiskey.