Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

I’d like to help you, but you don’t drink.

professional baseball player & manager
Alcohol Baseball Sports

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers; what I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Alcohol Food/Drink Government Politicians

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Alcohol Food/Drink Things

Acute Alcoholic: An attractive drunk.

Alcohol Definitions

Secretary: Someday you’ll drown in a vat of whiskey.

Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Age Alcohol Food/Drink Time

Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Life Problems

Friend: That drink is slow poison.

Benchley’s reply: So who’s in a hurry?

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Death Food/Drink Health

Hangover: The moaning after the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink Health

Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Alcohol Beer Food/Drink Government

Honey, I’d suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Alcohol Baseball Food/Drink Sports

Cliff: Hey, Norm: What’s up?

Norm: My blood-alcohol level.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

My mom’s Jewish and my dad’s Irish Catholic alcoholic, so I whine on the inside.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Alcohol Beliefs

Oh my God, how can you drink straight orange juice first thing in the morning?

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

Teetotaler: One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Alcohol Definitions Wordplay

There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.

(1869 – 1946) American novelist & dramatist
Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness… from all the free drinks.

(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host
Alcohol Appearance Health

Of course, now I touch nothing stronger than buttermilk: 90-proof buttermilk.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink