Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

A man shouldn’t fool with booze until he’s fifty; then he’s a damn fool if he doesn’t.

(1897-1962) American writer

Whiskey: The best thing to take for a headache – the night before.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer

Beer with no alcohol — what a waste; that is like a nun with a D-cup.

(1958 – ) American actress & stand-up comedian

British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death.

(1977 – ) British political comedian & television host

I envy people who drink… at least they have something to blame everything on.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.

(1925 – 2005) television host

Wine makes a man better pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer

Not all chemicals are bad; without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.

Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Sam: You drinking again?

Rebecca: Certainly not. I never stopped.

(1951 – ) American actress

You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

I have taken more good from alcohol than alcohol has taken from me.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

He is not drunk, who from the floor, can rise and stand and shout for more.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

If you drink like a fish, don't drive… swim.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer

My uncle was the town drunk… and we lived in Chicago.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian

Thou shalt not covet they neighbors’s house… unless they have a well-stocked bar.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
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