Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian

An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.

Rum: Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

My father drank beer in the morning; later in the day he drank anything.

(1921 – 2007) Scottish-born actress

The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.

(1925 – 2005) television host

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Abstainer: The kind of man you wouldn’t want to drink with even if he did.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.

(450 BC – 388 BC) Greek Athenian comic playwright

I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.

(1547 – 1616) Spanish novelist, poet & playwright

The French drink to get loosened up for an event, to celebrate and event, and even to recover from an event.

French commission of alcoholism

There's nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.

(1916 – 1986) American poet, translator & etymologist

There's no such thing as a large whiskey.

I don’t have a drinking problem, except when I can’t get a drink.

(1949 – ) American singer-songwriter, composer & actor

Smith to witness: So, you were as drunk as a judge?
Judge (interjecting): You mean as drunk as a lord?
Smith: Yes, My Lord.

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian

I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Alcohol… enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

If you are allergic to alcohol… can you take shots for that?

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer













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