Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

Follow seven beers with a couple of Scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own.

(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer

Sam Snead was born with a natural ability to keep his bar bills as low as his golf scores.

(1910 – 1983) professional golfer

You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.

A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Lindsay Lohan: Rehab Was a ‘Sobering Experience’

Little Bobby’s Drunk Again

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking… it's easy; I've done it a thousand times.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death.

(1977 – ) British political comedian & television host

The main difference between playing League and Union is that now I get my hangovers on Monday instead of Sunday.

A drunkard is like a whiskey-bottle, all neck and belly and no head.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

(1899 – 1961) author & journalist

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

You mix two jiggers of scotch with one jigger of Metracal [a diet supplement]; so far, I’ve lost five pounds and my driver’s license.

(1927 – ) professional baseball player & coach

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

(1899 – 1957) film actor

Of course, now I touch nothing stronger than buttermilk: 90-proof buttermilk.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Beer with no alcohol — what a waste; that is like a nun with a D-cup.

(1958 – ) American actress & stand-up comedian

Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie;’ he said ‘God beat me to it.’

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

My dad has a weird hobby; he collects empty bottles… which sounds so much better than “alcoholic.”

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

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