Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

(1899 – 1961) author & journalist

I used to be a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture.

(1927 – ) playwright & screenwriter

My dad has a weird hobby; he collects empty bottles… which sounds so much better than “alcoholic.”

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Golfing excellence goes hand in hand with alcohol, as many an Open and Amateur champion has shown.

British golf writer & commentator

AAA-AA: A club for people who are being driven to drink.

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I don’t drink, I’m a totalitarian.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian

Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Almost nobody dances sober, unless they happen to be insane.

(1890 – 1937) author

Thou shalt not covet they neighbors’s house… unless they have a well-stocked bar.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness… from all the free drinks.

(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

freelance writer

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.

(1932 – 2014) American singer

I never drink water; that’s the stuff that rusts pipes.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

There's no such thing as a large whiskey.

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew; I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon… and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
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