Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol (Page 13)

Sex with me when I'm really drunk is like being at the dentist… you can tell something's going on but you don't exactly know what it is.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director

You might be a redneck if… you've ever been too drunk to fish.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much… then again, don’t drink too little.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer

Beer with no alcohol — what a waste; that is like a nun with a D-cup.

(1958 – ) American actress & stand-up comedian

His brain is a half-inch layer of champagne poured over a bucket of Methodist near-beer.

(1873 – 1945) journalist & author

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

(1899 – 1961) author & journalist

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes, and I was like, “Dude, you have to wait.”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian

My mom’s Jewish and my dad’s Irish Catholic alcoholic, so I whine on the inside.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer

Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Teetotaler: One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

What the sober man thinks the drunkard tells.

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Wine we need for health, and the health we need to drink vodka.

(1938 – 2010) Russian politician

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Never buy a drink for the road, because the road is already laid out.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author