Subject: Food/Drink » Cooking

Marge, your cooking only has two moves: Shake and Bake.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Cooking TV/Movie Quotes

My husband says I feed him like he's a god: every meal is a burnt offering.

(1951 – ) American stand-up comic & actress
Cooking Food/Drink

No matter how many beautifully crafted, near-to-perfection baked goods you crank out on a regular basis, the moment one such item becomes required in some official capacity, it will flop.

Cooking Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.

Cooking Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s a wife who can’t cook and will.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Cooking Food/Drink Marriage Wives

While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don’t keep and eye on can make an awful mess on your stove.

(1820 – 1897) Mormon missionary
Cooking Food/Drink Time

Romanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.

(1915 – 1977) American actor of stage and screen
Cooking Food/Drink

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer
Cooking Eating Food/Drink

My wife’s a bad cook; the other night, she fixed alphabet soup – it spelled out “Help!”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink

One night she told me to put out the garbage; I told her "you cooked it, you take it out."

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink Marriage Wives

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Cooking Food/Drink

She did not so much cook food as assassinate food

English writer
Cooking Food/Drink Insults

What the F*@# Should I Make for Dinner?

Book Titles Cooking Food/Drink

I’ve decided to make Grammy Moon’s famous sheep’s head stew. Don’t worry, the name’s a bit misleading – it’s actually more of a soup.

(1961 – ) English actress, model, producer, comedian, singer & dancer
Cooking Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

You are always complimented on the item that took the least effort to prepare. Example: If you make roast turkey, you will be complimented on the baked potato.

Cooking Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

The English contribution to world cuisine – the chip.

(1939 – ) English actor, comedian, writer & producer
Cooking England Food/Drink Places

In a family recipe that you discovered in an old book, the most vital measurement will be illegible.

Cooking Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Why, her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Cooking Food/Drink

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink

I don’t even butter my bread… I consider that cooking.

American socialite
Cooking Food/Drink