Subject: Food/Drink » Cooking

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s a wife who can’t cook and will.

(1874 – 1963) American poet

My wife’s a bad cook; the other night, she fixed alphabet soup – it spelled out “Help!”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

The difference between a chef and a cook is the difference between a wife and a prostitute; cooks do meals for people they know and love, chefs do it anonymously for anyone who’s got the price.

(1954 – ) British writer & critic

You are always complimented on the item that took the least effort to prepare. Example: If you make roast turkey, you will be complimented on the baked potato.

While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don’t keep and eye on can make an awful mess on your stove.

(1820 – 1897) Mormon missionary

My husband says I feed him like he's a god: every meal is a burnt offering.

(1951 – ) American stand-up comic & actress

I don’t even butter my bread… I consider that cooking.

American socialite

She did not so much cook food as assassinate food

English writer

Fettuccine Alfredo: Macaroni and cheese for adults.

If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.

50 Ways to Eat Cock

How do you like yer possum… fallin' off the bones tender or with a little fight left in it?

(1902 – 1973) American actress

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s a wife who can’t cook and will.

(1874 – 1963) American poet

In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

(1934 – 1996) American astronomer, astrophysicist & author

I’m no cook; when I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

My wife has to be the worst cook; her specialty is indigestion.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Marriage: A deal in which a man gives away half his groceries in order to get the other half cooked.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Romanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.

(1915 – 1977) American actor of stage and screen













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