Subject: Food/Drink » Cooking

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

My wife’s a bad cook; the other night, she fixed alphabet soup – it spelled out “Help!”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I’m not going to say my wife can’t cook, but should toast have bones?

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

How do you like yer possum… fallin' off the bones tender or with a little fight left in it?

(1902 – 1973) American actress

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce.

(1563 – 1608) Italian Catholic priest

This recipe is certainly silly; it says to separate two eggs, but it doesn’t say how far to separate them.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)

If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.

I don't wanna say we eat out a lot, but when I call my kids for dinner they run to the car!

American comedian

The difference between a chef and a cook is the difference between a wife and a prostitute; cooks do meals for people they know and love, chefs do it anonymously for anyone who’s got the price.

(1954 – ) British writer & critic

One night she told me to put out the garbage; I told her "you cooked it, you take it out."

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Romanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.

(1915 – 1977) American actor of stage and screen

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch.

(1903 – 1985) American chef & food writer

Don’t you think the road commissioner would be willing to pay my wife something for her recipe for pie crust?

(1872 – 1933) 30th U.S. president

Marge, your cooking only has two moves: Shake and Bake.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse; an antler got stuck in my throat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

Marriage: A deal in which a man gives away half his groceries in order to get the other half cooked.

Fifty Shades of Chicken

Do not taste food while you’re cooking… you may lose your nerve to eat it.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

The English contribution to world cuisine – the chip.

(1939 – ) English actor, comedian, writer & producer

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director













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