Subject: Food/Drink » Eating

I won’t eat anything that has intelligent life, but I’d gladly eat a network executive or a politician.

(1934 – 1982) English writer, comedian & actor

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Chinese Food: You do not sew with a fork, and I see no reason why you should eat with knitting needles.

Muppet character (Frank Oz)

I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time,” so I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I hope God speaks English; if I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

(1964– ) American comedian, radio personality, actor, podcaster & director

So I was eating this cereal, and I had all these questions and comments; luckily there was a number on the box.

(1973 – ) American comedian

I want to keep fighting because it is the only thing that keeps me out of the hamburger joints. If I don’t fight, I’ll eat this planet.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion

At my house we pray AFTER we eat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches – two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

At the all-you-can-eat barbecue, you have to pay the regular dinner price if you eat less than you can.


I’ve never been swimming, and that’s because it’s never been more than half an hour since I last ate.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, radio personality & author

When my mother had to get dinner for eight she'd just make enough for 16 and only serve half.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)

He's got a nutritionist, and I've got room service.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion

The closest thing I have to a nutritionist is the Carlsberg Beer Company.

(1976 – ) Irish actor

I eat like a vulture… unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I’ve never been in a rotating restaurant, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, I put her on it, and I gave her a burrito.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

As a kid, I got three meals a day… oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal.

(1952 – ) American bodyguard & actor

Waiter: Would you like to have anything before lunch?
Chico: Yes, breakfast.

(1887 – 1961) comedian, actor & member of the Marx Brothers

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