Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Food/Drink
(Page 3)
I took this girl to dinner, and I heard that women like it when you order for them, so I was like, 'I'll have the special, and she's not getting anything tonight.'
Dan Mintz
(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Food/Drink
People
Situations
Women
Restaurants
A biscuit takes up moisture when it goes stale and becomes limp; a cake loses moisture and becomes hard.
Law of Biscuits and Cakes
Food/Drink
Murphy’s Laws
Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.
P.J. O'Rourke
(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Food/Drink
Fish
Smell
Spoiled
I’ve got drinks piling up on my desk and a stack of pills I have even opened yet!
Megan Mullally
(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Alcohol
TV/Movie Quotes
As Karen Walker on “Will & Grace”
Sam: What’ll you have Normie?Norm: Well, I’m in a gambling mood Sammy. I’ll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.Sam: Looks like beer, Norm.Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.
Norm
George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer
TV/Movie Quotes
As Norm Peterson in “Cheers”
He goes through groceries like an earth
remover.
Archie Bunker
television character,
All In the Family
(Carroll O’Connor)
Eating
Food/Drink
Malaprops
Earth mover
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.
Anonymous
Alcohol
Intelligence
People
Gargling
What am I drinking? … NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Health
You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
Adam Carolla
(1964– ) American comedian, radio personality, actor, podcaster & director
Cooking
Eating
Food/Drink
Microwave
Pour him out of here!
Mae West
(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Alcohol
Situations
Of W. C. Fields when he arrived drunk on a set
If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland; people in Scotland drink while they're drinking.
Jay Mohr
(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Food/Drink
Places
Alcoholic
Scotland
I just think my least favorite part of the vegan diet is the verbal part where they explain it to you… it’s just endless.
Chelsea Peretti
(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Food/Drink
Vegan diet
It was an arranged marriage, put together by drugs and alcohol.
Tom Papa
American comedian & television host
Alcohol
Drugs
Marriage
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin
(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Alcohol
Beer
Emotions
Food/Drink
God
Happiness
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol
Appearance
Beer
Body
Men
Men are like chocolate bars: sweet, smooth, and heading straight for your hips.
Anonymous
Food/Drink
Men
People
Chocolate
Hips
If you stop eating donuts you will live three years longer; it’s just three more years that you want a donut.
Lewis Black
(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Death
Food/Drink
Life
Donuts
The great thing about golf – and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it – you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Beer
Food/Drink
Golf
Sports
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W.C. Fields
(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol
Characteristics
Eating
Food/Drink
Breakfast
Gin
After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual “food” out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking 30 or 40 postage stamps.ating an artichoke as you would from licking 30 or 40 postage stamps.
Miss Piggy
Muppet character (Frank Oz)
Food/Drink
TV/Movie Quotes
Artichoke
If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.
Gilbert Gottfried
(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Eating
Food/Drink
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