Subject: Food/Drink (Page 3)

I took this girl to dinner, and I heard that women like it when you order for them, so I was like, 'I'll have the special, and she's not getting anything tonight.'

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor

A biscuit takes up moisture when it goes stale and becomes limp; a cake loses moisture and becomes hard.

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

I’ve got drinks piling up on my desk and a stack of pills I have even opened yet!

(1958 – ) American actress & singer

Sam: What’ll you have Normie?

Norm: Well, I’m in a gambling mood Sammy. I’ll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.

Sam: Looks like beer, Norm.

Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

He goes through groceries like an earth remover.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.

What am I drinking? … NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

(1964– ) American comedian, radio personality, actor, podcaster & director

Pour him out of here!

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland; people in Scotland drink while they're drinking.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian

I just think my least favorite part of the vegan diet is the verbal part where they explain it to you… it’s just endless.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer

It was an arranged marriage, put together by drugs and alcohol.

American comedian & television host

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Men are like chocolate bars: sweet, smooth, and heading straight for your hips.

If you stop eating donuts you will live three years longer; it’s just three more years that you want a donut.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

The great thing about golf – and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it – you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual “food” out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking 30 or 40 postage stamps.ating an artichoke as you would from licking 30 or 40 postage stamps.

Muppet character (Frank Oz)

If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor