Subject: Government

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working when you get up in the morning, and doesn't stop until you get into office.

(1874 – 1963) American poet

Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.

Only one thing, is impossible for God; to find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

The one great principle of the English law is, to make business for itself.

(1812 – 1870) English novelist

Employees make the best dates; you don’t have to pick them up and they’re always tax-deductible.

(1928 – 1987) painter, printmaker & filmmaker

We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community, but people wouldn't obey the rules.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright

The three toughest jobs in the world are: President of the United States, mayor of New York, and head football coach at Notre Dame.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator

Jury: A body of twelve men selected to decide which of the contestants has the better lawyer.

Generals who can write always make me nervous.

(1921 – ) American newspaper editor

Democracy gives every man the right to be his own oppressor.

(1819 – 1891) editor

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

The cardinal rule of politics: never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.

(1931– 2012) American actor, producer & director

A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt.

(1856 – 1924) 28th U.S. president & politician

We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.

American comedian

Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist

You do the policy, I'll do the politics.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may have misjudged the situation.

Truth varies.