Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, Murphy's Laws, insults & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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We have a presidential election coming up, and I think the big problem, of course, is that someone will win.
(1953 – ) American comedian, political satirist & author
I’m thrilled that the American people stopped him from running this time; as a citizen, I’m happy about that, but as a comic, I weep.
(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
1. Get elected
2. Get re-elected
3. Don’t get mad, get even.
Dirksen's Three Laws of Politics
Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a bit like asking a chicken to vote for Colonel Sanders.
(1959 – ) U.S. Representative (South Carolina)
You win some, you lose some, and then there's that little known third category.
Al Gore Jr.
(1948 – ) U.S. vice president & politician, author & environmentalist
Running for senator in New York is like bobbing for piranhas.
(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
New York City
Why am I running for president? … Well, my wife… says it is because I sustained several severe blows to the head in prison camp.
(1936 – ) U.S. senator (Arizona) and presidential candidate
Recount: In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
A fool and his money are soon elected.
Walton's Law of Politics
Democracy is the counting of heads, regardless of the contents.
Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug – the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.
(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
George W. Bush
Tickle Me Elmo
Short-term success with voters on any side of a given issue can be guaranteed by creating a long-term special study commission made up of at least three divergent interest groups.
Connolly's Rule for Political Incumbents
America better beware of a candidate who is willing to stretch reality in order to win points.
George W. Bush
(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
You campaign in poetry, you govern in prose.
(1947 – ) U.S. Secretary of State, senator (New York) & first lady
Vote for the man who promises least; he’ll be the least disappointing.
(1870 – 1965) businessman & politician
It’s not the voting that’s democracy, it’s the counting.
(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
If Voting Changed Anything, They’d Made It Illegal
Seen in London
Harry had won by such a narrow margin he might not have made it if Bess hadn't voted for her husband.
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
President Harry Truman
Candidate: A person who asks for money from the wealthy and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.
Half of the American people have never read a newspaper; and half never voted for president… one hopes it is the same half.
(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
During an election campaign the air is full of speeches and vice versa.
(1838 – 1918) journalist, historian, academic & novelist
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