Subject: Government » Law

The first thing we do, let’s kill the lawyers.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet

I always say… that if my fellow citizens want to go to Hell I will help them… it’s my job.

(1841 – 1935) American jurist & Supreme Court justice

If law school is so hard to get through… how come there are so many lawyers?

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist

Judge: Miss West, are you trying to show contempt for this court?

Mae West: On the contrary, Your Honor, I was doin' my best to conceal it.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Lawyer: One skilled in circumvention of the law.

Jury: a group of twelve men who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

The more corrupt the republic, the more numerous the laws.

However harmless a thing is, if the law forbids it most people will think it wrong.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist

Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

He’s not technically a lawyer, but he’s got three court cases next week.

Lisa Lampanelli (1961 – ) American stand-up comedian

1. If the facts are against you, argue the law. 2. If the law is against you, argue the facts. 3. If the facts and the law are against you, yell like hell.

Even the police have an unlisted number.

(1908 – 1996) actor & comedian

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

All lawyers are cut from the same cloth: fleece.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

I'm not an ambulance chaser; I'm usually there before the ambulance.

(1907 – 1996) American attorney

Censorship does not interfere with the constitutional rights of every American to sit alone in a dark room in the nude and cuss.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.

(1949 – ) American singer-songwriter, composer & actor

Criminal lawyer is a redundancy.

If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

A liberal is a conservative who has been arrested.

(1931 – ) American author & journalist

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

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