Subject: Government » Law

It is impossible to tell where the law stops and justice begins.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

This contract is so one-sided that I am surprised to find it written on both sides of the paper.

(1899 – 1966) British judge

Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

In Scotland we have a verdict ‘not proven;’ that means ‘not guilty, but don’t do it again.’

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire; they're trained for that!

(1964 – ) English comedian

Here [in Paris] they hang a man first, and try him afterward.

(1622 – 1673) French playwright & actor

A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Liquor – you can make it illegal but you can't make it unpopular.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Lawyer: One skilled in circumvention of the law.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

The first thing we do, let’s kill the lawyers.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Jury: a group of twelve men who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

What I need is a lawyer who specializes in the law of the jungle.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

These people have served a longer sentence than some people who have committed murder.

(1943 – ) American television journalist & author

I’m the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can’t.

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author