Subject: Government » Law

He’s not technically a lawyer, but he’s got three court cases next week.

Lisa Lampanelli (1961 – ) American stand-up comedian

Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.

Nothing is as dangerous as an unemployed lawyer.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author

The scariest guy in prison is the white guy… because he's guilty.

American comedian

Judge: A law student who grades his own papers.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Court Of Law: A place where a suit is pressed and a man maybe taken to the cleaners.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright

I would much prefer to be a judge than a coal miner because of the absence of falling coal.

(1937 – 1995) English satirist, writer & comedian

The case has been going on for so long that I've forgotten whether I'm really innocent or guilty.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.

(1949 – ) American singer-songwriter, composer & actor

Liquor – you can make it illegal but you can't make it unpopular.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Only lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

These people have served a longer sentence than some people who have committed murder.

(1943 – ) American television journalist & author

Justice is open to everyone in the same way as the Ritz Hotel.

(1740 – 1819) American lawyer, jurist & politician

Easiest job you could ever have… whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create "reasonable doubt."

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

The minute you read something that you can’t understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

You win some, you lose some, and then there's that little known third category.

(1948 – ) U.S. vice president & politician, author & environmentalist

Scooter Libby was found guilty of perjury, obstruction, and making false statements… or, as the White House calls it, a press conference.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
The Animal Rescue Site