Subject: Government » Law

A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday; I tell them, a paternity suit.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

It is impossible to tell where the law stops and justice begins.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Lawyer: One skilled in circumvention of the law.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it himself.

(1778 – 1868) English politician

We still… cannot catch Osama bin Laden, but we nailed Martha Stewart's ass to the wall.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor

Justice is open to everyone in the same way as the Ritz Hotel.

(1740 – 1819) American lawyer, jurist & politician

Jury: Twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

(1874 – 1963) American poet

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Nothing is illegal if one hundred well-placed business men decide to do it.

(1932 – ) American politician, diplomat, activist & pastor

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Here [in Paris] they hang a man first, and try him afterward.

(1622 – 1673) French playwright & actor

I’m the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can’t.

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author

This contract is so one-sided that I am surprised to find it written on both sides of the paper.

(1899 – 1966) British judge

Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The scariest guy in prison is the white guy… because he's guilty.

American comedian

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

You might be a redneck if… ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there is a law against it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

(1927 – ) American comedian

Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor

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