Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Government
(Page 4)
In levying taxes and in shearing sheep it is well to stop when you get down to the skin.
Austin O’Malley
(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
Government
Taxes
Taxpayer: A person who has the government on his payroll.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Taxes
Taxpayer
Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.
Anonymous
Definitions
Democracy
Elections/Voting
Government
History buffs probably noted the reunion at a Washington party a few weeks ago of three ex-presidents: Carter, Ford, and Nixon – See No Evil, Hear No Evil, and Evil.
Bob Dole
(1923 – ) U.S. senator (Kansas) & presidential candidate
Government
Insults
Politicians
These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
Mad
, an American humor magazine
Characteristics
Honesty
Lies
Politicians
Truth
How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
Nigel Rees
(1944 – ) English writer & broadcaster
Government
Monopolies
Politicians are wedded to the truth, but like many other married couples they sometimes live apart.
‘Saki’ H.H. Munro
(1870 – 1916) British writer
Government
Politicians
Truth
Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
Mad
, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting
Government
Politicians
Unopposed candidate: An officeholder who has mastered the art of campaign reform.
Anonymous
Definitions
Elections/Voting
Government
Unopposed candidate
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
America
Government
People
Places
Politicians
Kidding
Politicians who vote huge expenditures to alleviate problems get re-elected; those who propose structural changes to prevent problems get early retirement.
McClaughry's Law of Public Policy
Government
Money
Murphy’s Laws
Politicians
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
Jeff Marder
American comedian
Food/Drink
Government
Pizza
Police
Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions; conservatives feel they deserve everything they’ve stolen.
Mort Sahl
(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs
Government
Politics
Conservatives
Liberals
What does an actor know about politics?
Ronald Reagan
(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Government
Politics
Responding to something said by actor Ed Asner
I called the Census Bureau to see why they hadn't sent me a form, and they said that I was too nondescript to influence the demographics one way or another.
Steve Connelly
comedian
Government
Census
Demographics
Nixon impeached himself; he gave us Gerald Ford as his revenge.
Bella Abzug
(1920 – 1998) lawyer, congresswoman, & women's movement activist
Government
People
Gerald Ford
Richard Nixon
Having your lawyer pay for lunch will be very expensive in the end.
Unknown
Lawyers
Money
The difference between Democrats and Republicans?… Democrats remind us that life is unfair, and Republicans make sure it is.
David Feldman
American comedian & writer
Government
Politicians
Democrats
Republicans
The House of Lords is like a glass of champagne that has stood for five days.
Clement Attlee
(1883 – 1967) British prime minister & politician
England
Government
Places
House of Lords
Tariff: A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Taxes
Greed
Tariff
Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
Art Buchwald
(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Government
Politicians
Page 4 of 48
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