Subject: Government (Page 4)

In levying taxes and in shearing sheep it is well to stop when you get down to the skin.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist

Taxpayer: A person who has the government on his payroll.

Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.

History buffs probably noted the reunion at a Washington party a few weeks ago of three ex-presidents: Carter, Ford, and Nixon – See No Evil, Hear No Evil, and Evil.

(1923 – ) U.S. senator (Kansas) & presidential candidate

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?

(1944 – ) English writer & broadcaster

Politicians are wedded to the truth, but like many other married couples they sometimes live apart.

(1870 – 1916) British writer

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Unopposed candidate: An officeholder who has mastered the art of campaign reform.

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Politicians who vote huge expenditures to alleviate problems get re-elected; those who propose structural changes to prevent problems get early retirement.

We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.

American comedian

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions; conservatives feel they deserve everything they’ve stolen.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor

What does an actor know about politics?

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor

I called the Census Bureau to see why they hadn't sent me a form, and they said that I was too nondescript to influence the demographics one way or another.

comedian

Nixon impeached himself; he gave us Gerald Ford as his revenge.

(1920 – 1998) lawyer, congresswoman, & women's movement activist

Having your lawyer pay for lunch will be very expensive in the end.

The difference between Democrats and Republicans?… Democrats remind us that life is unfair, and Republicans make sure it is.

American comedian & writer

The House of Lords is like a glass of champagne that has stood for five days.

(1883 – 1967) British prime minister & politician

Tariff: A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist