Subject: Government » Politicians

The politician is an acrobat; he keeps his balance by doing the opposite of what he says.

(1862 – 1923) French writer & politician

Bureaucrat: A politician who has tenure.

A Republican stands up in Congress and says I’ve got a really bad idea!' and the Democrat stands up after him and says 'and I can make it shittier!”

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working honest Americans; it’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity… but then – we elected them.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Remember the politician who wouldn't release his tax returns and it turned out he had nothing to hide? … Me neither.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor

Politicians are wedded to the truth, but like many other married couples they sometimes live apart.

(1870 – 1916) British writer

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs.

(1790 – 1869) French writer, poet & politician

No politician talks taxes during an election year.

I don't know what was wrong with my television last night, but I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station, and I actually bought a congressman.

(1951 – ) American comedian & writer

What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican?… a Democrat blows; a Republican sucks.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

Politicians are the same all over; they promise to build a bridge even when there’s no river.

(1894 – 1971) Soviet premier

My definition of a redundancy is an air bag in a politician's car.

(1931– 2012) American actor, producer & director

People don’t let politicians kiss your babies; those lips have been on lobbyist asses for years now.

(1952 – ) American comedian & actor

Statesman: An ex-politician who has mastered the art of holding his tongue.

The Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

You get fifteen Democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions.

(1940 – ) U.S. senator (Vermont)

I’m thrilled that the American people stopped him from running this time; as a citizen, I’m happy about that, but as a comic, I weep.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist

Government is too big and too important to be left to the politicians.

(1901 – 1986) diplomat & economist