Subject: Government » Politicians

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

I belong to no organized party… I am a Democrat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Democrats Are Sexy. Who Ever Heard of of Good Piece of Elephant.

A politician will do anything to keep his job—even become a patriot.

(1863 – 1951) American newspaper magnate & politician

Politicians are wedded to the truth, but like many other married couples they sometimes live apart.

(1870 – 1916) British writer

Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working honest Americans; it’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity… but then – we elected them.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer

You get fifteen Democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions.

(1940 – ) U.S. senator (Vermont)

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs.

(1790 – 1869) French writer, poet & politician

Liberty doesn't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian

According to reports, President Bush and John Kerry have combined $23 million left over from the 2004 presidential campaign, while Ralph Nader recently discovered some old gum in his hair.

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Politicians are like diapers; they both need changing regularly and for the same reason.

I’m not a politician and my other habits are good.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist

The wind doesn't bother me… I'm in the U.S. Senate.

(1923 – ) U.S. senator (Kansas) & presidential candidate

I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation; among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor.

(1912 – 2007) U.S. first lady, wife of Lyndon Johnson

Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted “Bingo!” counted as a yea or a nay.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

It takes nerve to be a Democrat, but it takes money to be a Republican.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I will make a bargain with the Republicans; if they will stop telling lies about Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
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