Subject: Government » Politicians (Page 2)

What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican?… a Democrat blows; a Republican sucks.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

The only people who say worse things about politicians than reporters do are other politicians.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer

Politicians are wedded to the truth, but like many other married couples they sometimes live apart.

(1870 – 1916) British writer

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

It takes nerve to be a Democrat, but it takes money to be a Republican.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Did you ever notice that when a politician does get an idea he usually gets it all wrong.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

A Republican stands up in Congress and says I’ve got a really bad idea!' and the Democrat stands up after him and says 'and I can make it shittier!”

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

My definition of a redundancy is an air bag in a politician's car.

(1931– 2012) American actor, producer & director

Republicans elect stupid leaders with brilliant staffs and Democrats produce brilliant presidents with stupid staffs.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt.

(1856 – 1924) 28th U.S. president & politician

The best definition of an honest politician is one who… when he is bought, stays bought.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor

You get fifteen Democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions.

(1940 – ) U.S. senator (Vermont)

I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.

(1890 – 1970) French president, general & statesman

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

I don't know what was wrong with my television last night, but I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station, and I actually bought a congressman.

(1951 – ) American comedian & writer

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common… they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

There ought to be one day – just one – when there is open season on senators.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Ain’t it funny how many hundreds of thousands of soldiers we can recruit with nerve; but we can’t find one politician in a million with backbone.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

No politician talks taxes during an election year.

Honest Politician: One who, when he is bought, will stay bought.