Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, Murphy's Laws, insults & more
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Alfred E. Neuman
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Bill Clinton's foreign policy experience is pretty much confined to having had breakfast once at the International House of Pancakes.
(1938 – ) political commentator, author, columnist, politician & broadcaster
Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he’ll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
(1929 – ) journalist, author & television pundit
Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Ten thousand women marched through the streets of London saying 'we will not be dictated to,' and then went off to become stenographers.
(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
The art of politics consists in knowing precisely when it is necessary to hit an opponent slightly below the belt.
(1876 – 1967) German statesman
Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
, an American humor magazine
Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal; he's always had an agent do that.
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
My grandmother’s brain was dead, but her heart was still beating; it was the first time we ever had a Democrat in the family.
(1956 – ) American comedian
Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.
Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.
(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
An independent is a guy who wants to take the politics out of politics.
Adlai E. Stevenson
(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
They always throw around this term 'the liberal elite,' and I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right; what's more elite than believing that only
will go to heaven?
(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Men enter politics solely as a result of being unhappily married.
C. Northcote Parkinson
(1909 – 1993) British naval historian & author
One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President.
(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
It’s a sad day when our politicians are comical and I have to take our comedians seriously!
In the wake of the killing of Osama bin Laden President Obama’s approval rating jumped to 56 percent, his highest in two years… which shows there is literally nothing he can do to please the other 44 percent.
(1973 – ) American comedian, actor & television host
Osama bin Laden
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.
Robert Louis Stevenson
(1850 – 1894) Scottish novelist, poet, essayist & travel writer
The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
I belong to no organized party… I am a Democrat.
(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
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