Subject: Health » Doctors

Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor

An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems… like your groinocology.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Psychiatrists: People with the same problems as anyone else, but with an accent.

Specialist: A doctor whose patients are expected to confine their ailments to office hours.

If your time ain’t come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Every time a doctor whispers in the hospital, next day there’s a funeral.

(1927 – ) playwright & screenwriter

Most Doctors Agree Breathing Regularly is Good for You

My shrink gives me 75 per cent off if I make believe I’m someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.

I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I know of nothing more laughable than a doctor who does not die of old age.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot; finish last in medical school and they call you doctor.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach

One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician.

(1849 – 1919) Canadian physician

No physician is really good before he has killed one or two patients.

The psychiatrist’s office is where you say what you think and be told what you mean.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.

(1920 – 2000) American actor

I quit because I was in the hospital and I realized that I truly believed that laughter was the best medicine, but it turns out penicillin works a hell of a lot better.

(1971 – ) American comedian, actor, television host & former physician

I thought my doctor said I was heading for a rave.













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