Subject: Health » Doctors (Page 6)

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

Specialist: A doctor whose patients are expected to confine their ailments to office hours.

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean “your guess is as good as mine.”

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance; we'll see about that.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why doctors wear masks in the operating room.

Cold: An ailment cured in two weeks with a doctor’s care, and in fourteen days without it.

My doctor is wonderful; once, when I couldn’t afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.

(1918 – 2007) American entertainer, actor & television host

If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better; but don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

Columnist Gets Urologist In Trouble With His Peers

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately; ring the nearest golf course.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach

He is a servant of humanity… who had done really brilliant work in isolating fees.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

There would never be any public agreement among doctors if they did not agree to agree on the main point of the doctor being always on the right.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

Half a psychiatrist's patients see him because they are married – the other half because they're not.

(1905 –1998) American author

She got her good looks from her father, he’s a plastic surgeon.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I'm giving [my analyst] one more year… then I'm going to Lourdes.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I got a postcard from my gynecologist; It said, “Did you know it’s time for your annual check-up?” … no, but now my mailman does.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor

My shrink gives me 75 per cent off if I make believe I’m someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor