Subject: Health (Page 3)

The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.

comedian
Doctors Health People Self

I go to a woman dentist… it a relief to be told to open my mouth instead of shut it.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Health

Hospitals Resort To Hiring Doctors

Doctors Headlines

That guy ain’t been the same since he had that vasexomy.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

New Sick Policy Requires 2-day Notice

Headlines Health

If you have over forty eyes and have noticed how your vision has changed…

Classifieds Health

I finally have a dental plan… I chew on the other side.

comedy writer & stand-up comedian
Health

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot… unless, of course, those tests come back positive.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Health People

I think we should change the name of Type 1 Diabetes and Type 2 Diabetes to ‘Not Your Fault Diabetes’ and ‘Mostly Your Fault Diabetes.’

American comedian
Health

I thought my doctor said I was heading for a rave.

Doctors Epitaphs

Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.

comedian
Health Wordplay

I told him he’d have a heart attack a year ago, but unfortunately he lived a year longer.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist
Health Misspokements

No physician is really good before he has killed one or two patients.

Doctors Health Proverbs

Don't be hollerin' at him, will ya, you'll give him a mental sterosis.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

You won’t be surprised that diseases are innumerable… count the cooks.

(54 BC – 39 AD) Roman orator
Food/Drink Health

Flies spread disease – keep yours zipped.

public speaker & teacher
Health

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Life

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget.

professional football player
Appearance Body Football Health Sports

All the years this guy did drugs, no one could have slipped him some calcium?

comedian
Activities Drugs Health

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Health