Subject: Health (Page 5)

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club; you’re not out of it until the computer says you’re out of it.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Health

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Health Life

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Health Intelligence Situations Sleep Wealth

If you don’t have a bad back by the time you’re 60, then you haven’t done anything in your life.

baseball manager
Health Work

I was in analysis for years and nothing happened. My poor analyst got so frustrated, the guy finally put in a salad bar.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Health TV/Movie Quotes

Minor Operation: One performed on someone else.

Definitions Health

I swam in the dead sea when it was only critically ill.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Activities Health Places

I read today that 10 out of 2 people are dyslectic.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Health

Never say “oops” while your patient is conscious.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws Problems

It's this disease that only white girls catch from glamour magazines.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Health

Minor surgery is surgery that someone else is having.

U.S. Senator (1942 – 2015) U.S. senator (Tennessee) & actor
Health

The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.

comedian
Doctors Health People Self

It’s stressful being a hypochondriac. In my home I have a walk-in medicine chest.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

I occasionally get love sick…well, they call it chlamydia.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Health

He was in cardial arrest.

Health Malaprops

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Health Situations

The doctor demands his fees whether he has killed the illness or the patient.

Doctors Health Proverbs

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Health Misspokements Speech

I'm beginning to have morning sickness… I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Health

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Health

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Health Memory People