Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

Peter Marshall: Dear Abby says it's the single reason most people go to an X-rated movie. What is it?

George Gobel: Well, in the first place, they can't believe their eyes the first 20 or 30 times.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  According to Amy Vanderbilt, what is the maximum length of time you and your fiancé should be engaged?

Rose Marie: Engaged in what?

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: True or false… most personal physical attacks are never reported to police.

Rose Marie: No, I just put them in my diary.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: The Atlantic Ocean is the major body of water on Africa’s west coast. What major body lies off Africa’s east coast?

Paul Lynde: Ex-president Mobutu.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Oscar, you've made a man very happy…

Oscar the Grouch: I'm sorry to hear that.

Muppet

Peter Marshall: When Burt Reynolds saw his pictures in Cosmopolitan, he said he had something that reminded him of Roy Rogers. What was it?

Paul Lynde: Saddle sores…they both spend so much time in the saddle!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?

Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn.

(1935 – ) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Peter Marshall: What should you do if you're going 55 miles per hour and your tires suddenly blow out?

Paul Lynde: Honk if you believe in Jesus.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… the dining room of the House of Representatives in Congress serves 10-12 gallons of beans every day? 

George Gobel: And they go pass… (laughter) legislation!

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Wally, what is the signature phrase of the cartoon character Underdog?

Wally Cox: Where are my residuals?

(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to legend, what one thing was Noah's wife not willing to do?

George Gobel: Sunbathe amongst the anteaters.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Paul, is it true that lightning once fused a man’s zipper shut?

Paul Lynde: Yes, it was God’s way telling him to slow down.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Tom Bergeron:  Peter, does the average CEO make more money in a year than the average worker?

Peter Marshall [as a contestant]:  Well, I would think they have to.  You know, bail.

(1926 – ) American television personality & game show host

Peter Marshall: What is the name of the instrument with the light on the end, that the doctor sticks in your ear?

Paul Lynde: Oh, a cigarette.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to research at USC, is it okay for your marriage to fantasize that your wife is Farrah Fawcett Majors?

Paul Lynde: If that doesn't work, try Lee Majors!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… you can get a camel to be more cooperative by giving it tobacco and perfume.

Rose Marie: You can get an awful lot out of me that way! 

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean

George Gobel: Cattle crossing.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Is there anything an elephant loves more than a big bag of peanuts?

Paul Lynde: The love scenes in Dumbo.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: What new motion picture has an ad campaign that states "He's a lonely forgotten man desperate to prove that he's alive?”

Marty Allen: Nixon Goes To China.

(1922 – ) comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… drinking alcohol reduces the amount of male hormones in your body? 

George Gobel: You can't scare me!

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor