Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

[the loud horn sounds to signify time running out] Peter Marshall: Let me explain what that means…

Big Bird: Don’t look at me!

Muppet

Peter Marshall: According to the old song, what’s breaking up that old gang of mine?

Paul Lynde: Anita Byant!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Is it normal for Norwegians to talk to trees?

Paul Lynde: As long as that’s as far as it goes.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… Paul Revere had 16 children?

Paul Lynde: From ONE midnight ride?!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Time Life Books calls it the most complex lump of matter known to man. What is it?

Joan Rivers: My eggs Benedict!

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Peter Marshall: Modern science can’t really explain why, but if you go outside at night, stand on your head, and stare at the full moon, you will notice something unusual. What?

Paul Lynde: Yes, in eight seconds, rain will fill up your nose.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Does the Secret Service have any women?

George Gobel: Of course, who do you think performs the secret service? 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: During the War of 1812, Captain Oliver Perry made the famous statement, “We have met the enemy and…” What?

Paul Lynde: They are cute.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: What famous story begins with the discovery of magic beans?

Charley Weaver: Inherit the Wind.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: In a famous fairy tale, a queen is bathing when a frog jumps out of the water and says, “Thy wish shall be fulfilled.” What was the queen’s wish?

Paul Lynde: She wanted the frog to talk dirty.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: What new motion picture has an ad campaign that states “He’s a lonely forgotten man desperate to prove that he’s alive?”

Marty Allen: Nixon Goes To China.

(1922 – ) comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… a newborn rabbit can become a grandfather in less than a year.

Wally Cox: Let’s show ‘em!

(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Who never rises for the bride and groom?

Paul Lynde: Ironside.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Paul, what do you call a group of germs?

Paul Lynde: A Panzer division.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: On radio, Margo Lane knew something about young, handsome, wealthy Lamont Cranston. In fact, she knew about Lamont Cranston, things that no one else knew. What was it?

Paul Lynde: That his bellybutton was an outsie.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Paul, in the early days of Hollywood, who was usually found atop Tony, the Wonder Horse?

Paul Lynde: My Friend Flicka.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Where does most of the olive oil in the world come from?

Paul Lynde: Caesar Romero’s comb.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to the IRS, out of every 10 Americans audited, how many end up paying more taxes?

Paul Lynde: 11.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Paul, you have a 9 year old son who constantly wets the bed.  What should you do?

Paul Lynde:  Get rid of him! 

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: When are you considered an old man in Japan?

George Gobel: When you have to get your doctor’s permission to bow.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
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