Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

Peter Marshall: Who never rises for the bride and groom?

Paul Lynde: Ironside.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, can doctors do anything for your stretch marks?

Rose Marie: Well, if he's musically inclined, he can strum them.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: According to the World Book, is it okay to freeze your persimmons?

Paul Lynde: No. You should dress warmly.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important. What?

Paul Lynde: An engagement ring.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: What should you do if your parakeet has a temperature of 112 degrees?

Paul Lynde: Baste him!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: When Burt Reynolds saw his pictures in Cosmopolitan, he said he had something that reminded him of Roy Rogers. What was it?

Paul Lynde: Saddle sores… they both spend so much time in the saddle!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Fidel Castro recently gave Yugoslavia’s Marshall Tito a gift. What was it?

Paul Lynde: A cheap, hand–painted tie.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  Paul, where at any one time will you find one quarter of the earth's population?

Paul Lynde: Crossing the Rio Grande.  (He pronounced it "Gran-dee," with emphasis on the first syllable)

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  True or false – drinking can make you hard of hearing.

Charley Weaver:  What?

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: On radio, Margo Lane knew something about young, handsome, wealthy Lamont Cranston. In fact, she knew about Lamont Cranston, things that no one else knew. What was it?

Paul Lynde: That his bellybutton was an outsie.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… Paul…champagne glasses were designed to resemble Marie Antoinette’s bosom?

Paul Lynde: And we have Karen (Valentine) to thank for the shot glass!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Can we get heat from stars?

Paul Lynde: You will if I have to share my dressing room again!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  True or false – Lawrence Welk has a fourth grade education.

Charley Weaver:  That’s why he says, “And a one and a two…”

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: At the end of the movie The Planet of the Apes, what does Charlton Heston see that makes him realize that he is actually in New York City?

Paul Lynde: A Puerto Rican.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

John Davidson: What is a bee fly?

George Gobel: A zipper on a bee’s jeans.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to an old song, you should “Wrap all your troubles in…” What?

George Gobel: Furs… and tell her to stop calling your house! 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Tom Bergeron: Bruce, you’re the most popular fruit in America. What are you?

Bruce Vilanch: Humbled.

(1948 – ) American comedy writer, songwriter & actor

Peter Marshall: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?

Paul Lynde: I don’t know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: How many movies has Vincent Price been in?

Paul Lynde: You mean, how many good movies?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
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