Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

Peter Marshall: What do most dentists say you should do with your dentures when you go to bed?

Charlie Weaver: Out at the home, we throw them into the center of the room and have a swap party.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall:  Wally, True or false… your teeth are made primarily of ivory?

Wally Cox:  Yes.  First you take an elephant…

(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: It’s well known that small amounts of female hormones are found in the male body. Are male hormones ever found in the female body?

Paul Lynde: Occasionally.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?

Paul Lynde: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: At the end of the movie The Planet of the Apes, what does Charlton Heston see that makes him realize that he is actually in New York City?

Paul Lynde: A Puerto Rican.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Spiro Agnew was in the infantry during World War Two.  Was he decorated?

Wally Cox: He looked really pretty in the puka shells but they made him take them off…

(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to Compton’s Encyclopedia, when Columbus returned from his famous trip, he brought Queen Isabella six naked savages, some animals, some plants, and something valuable. What was it?

Paul Lynde: I’ll say the six naked savages.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Billy Graham recently called it “our great hope in a confusing and ever-changing world.” What is it?

Paul Lynde: Pampers.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Elizabeth Taylor recently stated, “It wasn’t easy.” And hubby Richard Burton added, “But we both sleep much better.” They were both talking about the same thing. What?

Paul Lynde: Separate bedrooms.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: You’re in an airplane and you’ve developed engine trouble. What do you traditionally say over the radio?

Buddy Hackett: What the (bleep) am I doing here?

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  True or false – drinking can make you hard of hearing.

Charley Weaver:  What?

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: If the right part comes along, will George C. Scott do a nude scene?

Paul Lynde: You mean he doesn’t have the right part?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Imagine you are a child in your mother’s womb, can you detect light?

Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Your date’s had a great shock, now she’s fainted. According to experts you should loosen her clothing, and do one other thing. What?

Paul Lynde: Send a postcard requesting an ambulance.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Wally, what is the signature phrase of the cartoon character Underdog?

Wally Cox: Where are my residuals?

(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: You're on a yacht, and you're seasick.  According to Emily Post, should you tell your host?

Paul Lynde: No, let him find out for himself.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was “one of the best things I ever did.” What was it?

Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.

(1922 – ) comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In 1914, a new dance was introduced to America that became so controversial that it was barred from college campuses, and ministers preached against it as immoral.  We do it today though.  What dance was it?

Rose Marie: Why do you ask me a question about 1914?!

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: Paul, Broderick Crawford says that he is often mistaken for….

Paul Lynde: A dump truck.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex, what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy?

Paul Lynde: Where can I get some?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Paul, why are forest rangers in remote locations ordering goats as standard equipment?

Paul Lynde: Because the sheep are wising up?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
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