Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

Peter Marshall: To the people of Italy, what is “the poe?”

Paul Lynde: The opposite of “the rich.”

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?

Charlie Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: Time Life Books calls it the most complex lump of matter known to man. What is it?

Joan Rivers: My eggs Benedict!

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Peter Marshall: Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?

Joan Rivers: Yes. It’s daddy’s turn.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Peter Marshall: Dear Abby says it's the single reason most people go to an X-rated movie. What is it?

George Gobel: Well, in the first place, they can't believe their eyes the first 20 or 30 times.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Paul, how many fingers in the Girl Scout salute?

Paul Lynde: Gee, I don't remember. The last time I saw it was when I didn't buy their cookies.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Whose motto is “Do Your Best?”

Paul Lynde: I guess we can rule out Jimmy Carter…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In television, who lived in Doodyville?

Paul Lynde: The Ty-De-Bowl Man.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: You have a bunch of unwanted hair. According to Dr. Thotusen, what is most often the cause of unwanted hair? A bunch of it?

Paul Lynde: Running over a llama.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In the Bible, who was found in a basket among the bulrushes?

Paul Lynde: Colonel Sanders.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to Father Lester's column, is there ever, EVER a time when it is permissible to punch somebody in the mouth?

George Gobel: Well, yeah. Like if he backs into the church's new Chevy wagon.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  In the movies, Frankenstein’s monster was always big and ugly.  And he had lots of scars.  What was his biggest fear? 

Paul Lynde: That the girls would be turned off by his big nuts!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Arthur Hailey had a very successful movie and novel called Hotel. He has a new best seller about another stopover point. What is it called?

Charlie Weaver: Service Station.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: When Fernando Cortez captured this city, he called it “The Venice Of The New World.” What do we know that city as today?

Marty Allen: South Philadelphia.

(1922 – ) comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to the celebrated Masters & Johnson, there are about four or five thousand places offering sex therapy in America today. Now do they feel that most of them are doing a really good job?

George Gobel: Well, not the ones where you don't have to leave your car.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Years ago, American Indians tied small pine trees to their feet, and thereby invented what?

George Gobel: Shoe trees.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was “one of the best things I ever did.” What was it?

Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.

(1922 – ) comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to French wine experts, was 1969 a good, or a bad year for wine?

George Gobel: Now this has got to be a trick question because there's never been a bad year for wine.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to police, if you are being molested, other than yelling, “Help!,” what is the best thing to scream?

Rose Marie: More!

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: In bowling, what’s a perfect score?

Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
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