Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

Peter Marshall: According to The Cosmo Girl’s Book Of Ettiquette, what does Helen Gurley Brown say you should put in your bra to attract men?

George Gobel: A copy of Sports Illustrated.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Karen Valentine made her film debut in a film called “Gidget…” Gidget what?

Paul Lynde: Gidget Gets Morning Sickness.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Oscar, you’ve made a man very happy…

Oscar the Grouch: I’m sorry to hear that.

Muppet

Peter Marshall: A current movie is being described as “the story of a love that changed the world forever.” What movie is it?

Paul Lynde: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In a survey of teenage mothers, most of them said they were listening to this when they got pregnant. What is it?

Paul Lynde: A pack of lies.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Do female frogs croak?

Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In what event are you most likely to be confronted by a dog leg?

Vincent Price: Oh, sleeping under a tree every time!

(1911 – 1993) American actor

Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, “Every woman I’ve been intimate with in my life has been…” What?

Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: The average child in China learns how to do it at age three. The average child in America never learns. What?

Paul Lynde: How to pull a rickshaw.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… the navy has trained whales to recover objects a mile deep.

Paul Lynde: At first they tried unsuccessfully with cocker spaniels…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: What did the Lone Ranger always leave behind when he left town?

Paul Lynde: A masked baby.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Is it possible to drink too much water?

Paul Lynde: Yes, it’s called drowning!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: What should you think when you walk into an apartment and all the walls and carpets are brown?

Paul Lynde: The maid exploded.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: From what animal do you get silk blouses?

Paul Lynde: An animal to you, Peter, but kind and generous to me.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, your husband, Edgar, is talking in his sleep. Should you be upset if he talks about his secretary?

Joan Rivers: And how… his secretary is a guy!

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

John Davidson: A Russian man has just shown you his “balalaika.” What has he shown you?

Jim J. Bullock: Why he’s not so popular with the party girls.

(1955 – ) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In 1914, a new dance was introduced to America that became so controversial that it was barred from college campuses, and ministers preached against it as immoral.  We do it today though.  What dance was it?

Rose Marie: Why do you ask me a question about 1914?!

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: What do most dentists say you should do with your dentures when you go to bed?

Charlie Weaver: Out at the home, we throw them into the center of the room and have a swap party.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: True or false… your teeth are about the same size and shape as a pig's?

Paul Lynde: Look who's talking, Beaverface! 

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In bowling, what’s a perfect score?

Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian