Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

Peter Marshall: In what event are you most likely to be confronted by a dog leg?

Vincent Price: Oh, sleeping under a tree every time!

(1911 – 1993) American actor

Peter Marshall: It’s well known that small amounts of female hormones are found in the male body. Are male hormones ever found in the female body?

Paul Lynde: Occasionally.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  Does Pat Nixon think her husband is fun?

Charley Weaver: Yes, she says he's full of it.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than drinking. What?

Charley Weaver: Not drinking.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?

Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won’t go up to your your apartment.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to legend, who looks better, a pixie or a fairy?

Paul Lynde (in deeper voice): Well, looks aren’t everything!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Under the right circumstances, could a 100-year-old man father a child?

Paul Lynde: With a nurse and maybe a mortician standing by.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, is immorality contagious?

Paul Lynde: I know he was down with it for about a month.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Twiggy reportedly added an inch to her bustline while making (the movie) The Boyfriend. What does that make her bust measurement now?

Paul Lynde: One.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  Every night before he went to bed, George Washington would always put his false teeth into something. What?

Charley Weaver: Martha!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: Do female frogs croak?

Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… Zsa Zsa Gabor is a deputy sheriff in Chicago?

Paul Lynde: It’s a pity that she couldn’t make it in show business.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to an old song, you should “Wrap all your troubles in…” What?

George Gobel: Furs… and tell her to stop calling your house! 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Arthur Hailey had a very successful movie and novel called Hotel. He has a new best seller about another stopover point. What is it called?

Charlie Weaver: Service Station.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: According to Better Homes and Gardens, Is it a good idea to give your yard a light sprinkle?

Michael Landon: … well, if you can’t make it to the house, I mean…

(1936 – 1991) American actor, writer, director & producer

Peter Marshall: There's tennis elbow, there's jogger's knee, and there's swimmer's… swimmer's what?

Paul Lynde: All I can think of is trunks!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

John Davidson: A Russian man has just shown you his “balalaika.” What has he shown you?

Jim J. Bullock: Why he’s not so popular with the party girls.

(1955 – ) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to FEMA, people from Florida should be prepared for hurricanes and people from the Midwest should be prepared for floods. What should people from California be prepared for?

Charley Weaver: The people from Florida and the people from the Midwest.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: According to Father Lester's column, is there ever, EVER a time when it is permissible to punch somebody in the mouth?

George Gobel: Well, yeah. Like if he backs into the church's new Chevy wagon.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

Charlie Weaver: It got me out of the army!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: According to the IRS, out of every 10 Americans audited, how many end up paying more taxes?

Paul Lynde: 11.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
The Animal Rescue Site