Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

Peter Marshall: You’re marrying a man who’s been married before. According to the book “Everyday Ettiquette, is it all right to wear a veil?

Paul Lynde: No, I’m just gonna wear a baseball cap.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  In the movies, Frankenstein’s monster was always big and ugly.  And he had lots of scars.  What was his biggest fear? 

Paul Lynde: That the girls would be turned off by his big nuts!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… in Athens recently, they discovered sketches of the great philosopher Socrates, revealing that he bore a striking resemblance to Paul Newman?

Paul Lynde: But he walked like Joanne!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?

Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Who was known as “Old Blood and Guts?”

Paul Lynde: Barbara Stanwyck.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, your husband, Edgar, is talking in his sleep. Should you be upset if he talks about his secretary?

Joan Rivers: And how… his secretary is a guy!

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Peter Marshall: According to Raquel Welch, a woman’s bust size should have nothing to do with her sex appeal. True or false?

Joan Rivers: That’s easy for her to say.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Peter Marshall: What state is known as The Granite State?

Morey Amsterdam: The Granite State? That’s where the famous man said “Just because your head is made of marble, don’t take everything for granite.”

(1908 – 1996) actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: In the Bible, King Balshazar saw the handwriting on the wall, and later that night something unfortunate happened. What?

Joan Rivers: Yeah, well, he found out that Shirley’s number had been disconnected.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, nothing will make a young teenage couple stay together as much as when their parents do something. Do what?

Rose Marie: When they go away for the weekend. When they’re left alone, they have a ball.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: Would you be surprised to find some wood in your hot dog?

Paul Lynde: No, but I’d be surprised to find some meat.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?

Joan Rivers: Yes. It’s daddy’s turn.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Peter Marshall: According to Parade Magazine, almost half of the dogs in the United states have a common problem, and it affects a lot of people too. What?

Paul Lynde: Water on the knee.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Paul, Broderick Crawford says that he is often mistaken for….

Paul Lynde: A dump truck.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

[the loud horn sounds to signify time running out] Peter Marshall: Let me explain what that means…

Big Bird: Don’t look at me!

Muppet

Peter Marshall: Richard Burton wants one very much, but Liz is reported to be afraid to give him one. One what?

Paul Lynde: The Certs breath test.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… Paul Revere had 16 children?

Paul Lynde: From ONE midnight ride?!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Don, True or false… there’s now a club in California that will allow you to sign up for obscene phone calls.
Rose Marie: Peter, get us that number!
Don Knotts:  Well…you found us out!

(1924 – 2006) American comedic actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… NASA officials report that when Chinese vice-premier Dang visited the astronaut training headquarters recently, the one big question he demanded to know was… where the astronauts go to the bathroom?!

Paul Lynde: The answer was over China!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  Shakespeare wrote 154 of them.  What are they?

Charley Weaver:  Checks to Rose Marie for services rendered.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: Paul, who was famous for saying, “On King, on huskies?”

Paul Lynde: Queen Mary.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
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