Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

Peter Marshall: According to legend, who looks better, a pixie or a fairy?

Paul Lynde (in deeper voice): Well, looks aren’t everything!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: What is a good reason for pounding meat?

Paul Lynde: Loneliness!


(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: What is the most popular place in America that people want to visit?

George Gobel:  It’s right down the hall, to the right and has a sign on the door.  

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In what event are you most likely to be confronted by a dog leg?

Vincent Price: Oh, sleeping under a tree every time!

(1911 – 1993) American actor

Peter Marshall: Experts say you should avoid sex immediately after… what?

Paul Lynde: Surgery.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: We’ve all heard the old phrase “A pig in a poke.” What is a poke?

Paul Lynde: It’s when you’re not really in love.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Now listen carefully, Paul. If you have one it’s a moose. If you have two, it’s a….?

Paul Lynde: It’s a mess!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: When are you considered an old man in Japan?

George Gobel: When you have to get your doctor’s permission to bow.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… a Florida man was recently fined 75 cents to pay for the bullet police fired at him? 

George Gobel: Yeah, and they didn’t have change for a dollar, so they shot him two more times.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: When Richard Nixon was Vice-President, he went someplace on a “good will mission,” but instead wound up being stoned and shouted at. Where did this take place?

Paul Lynde: Pat’s room.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to the old song, what’s breaking up that old gang of mine?

Paul Lynde: Anita Byant!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Playboy Magazine recently published a book by billionaire J. Paul Getty called, “How To …” How to what?

Paul Lynde: How To Treat Oily Skin.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Ann Landers recently wrote a book titled “How To Tell The Difference Between Love And…” what?

Paul Lynde: A kidney infection.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: You’re on your first visit to Japan, and you head right for the Kabuki. Why?

Paul Lynde: It was a long plane ride.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In the movie Camelot, Sir Lancelot is called on to perform a miracle.  What is the miracle?

Charley Weaver: The miracle is to make the movie a hit.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: True or false… in the recent world kissing contest in England, two contestants were disqualified when they got too passionate?

Paul Lynde: But they went on to win in three other categories.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In one state, you can deduct $5 from a traffic ticket if you show the officer… what?

Paul Lynde: A ten dollar bill.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
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