Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

Peter Marshall: Traditionally, on Ground Hog Day, what is the ground hog looking for when he comes out of his hole?

George Gobel: Well, anything except a speeding lawn mower.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

John Davidson: What was Thomas Jefferson referring to when he said “You don’t need two when one will do.?”

Nancy Walker: Paper towels!

(1922 – 1992) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: According to Apartment Life magazine, can you tell anything significant about the personality of a person whose apartment has brown carpeting, brown furniture and brown walls?

Paul Lynde: Yes, their maid just exploded. 

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Paul, the state flag of Alabama is all white with one very distinctive feature. What is it?

Paul Lynde: Eye holes!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Prehistoric man had two uses for sheep. One was for food. What was the other?

Paul Lynde: Conversation.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: The Pittsburgh Press calls it a combination of the Jitterbug, the Cha-cha, and the Mambo. What do you call it?

George Gobel: A short in my electric blanket.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Paul, why are forest rangers in remote locations ordering goats as standard equipment?

Paul Lynde: Because the sheep are wising up?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Eddie Fisher says that he hasn’t had one in eight years, but he’s looking. For what?

Paul Lynde: Oh, an accompanist who takes MasterCard.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Will a goose help warn you if there’s an intruder on your property?

Paul Lynde: There’s no better way!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: What are “dual purpose” cattle good for that other cattle aren’t?

Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies… but I don’t recommend the cookies!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… there is absolutely no weather on the moon? 

Wally Cox: Well, there will be when we get there!

(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Why do sheep sleep huddled up?

Paul Lynde: Because Little Boy Blue’s a weirdo!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to her grandma’s house. On her way there, she stopped to get something for her grandma. To get what?

Paul Lynde: Feen-a-mints.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: You’ve gone from egg, to larvae, to pupae. What’s next?

Paul Lynde: A shave and a shower and off to work!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman?

Redd Foxx: I wouldn’t have it any other way.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

Peter Marshall: True or false… most people’s attitudes toward strangers is, “Don’t get too close to me, I prefer to keep you at arm’s length!” [loud horn sounds to signify end the show]

Rose Marie: That’s my opinion!

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: In what event are you most likely to be confronted by a dog leg?

Vincent Price: Oh, sleeping under a tree every time!

(1911 – 1993) American actor

Peter Marshall: What do you call a man who gives you diamonds and pearls?

Paul Lynde: I’d call him “Darling”!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Can chewing gum help prevent a child from catching a cold?

Paul Lynde: No, but I know it’ll plug a runny nose.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: If you surprised your wife with a gift of a roll of aluminum foil, what anniversary would you be celebrating?

Vincent Price (laughs): It would be my last! I’d be wrapped up in it and put in the deep freeze!

(1911 – 1993) American actor
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