Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

Peter Marshall: Paul, in the early days of Hollywood, who was usually found atop Tony, the Wonder Horse?

Paul Lynde: My Friend Flicka.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Traditionally, on Ground Hog Day, what is the ground hog looking for when he comes out of his hole?

George Gobel: Well, anything except a speeding lawn mower.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you?"

Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

(1911 – 1993) American actor

Peter Marshall: Richard Burton wants one very much, but Liz is reported to be afraid to give him one. One what?

Paul Lynde: The Certs breath test.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Paul, True or false… studies show that women in their sixties have a more intense craving for physical romance than when they were in their forties…

Paul Lynde: Well, that's tough!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… there is a Catholic parish in Las Vegas that holds services in a topless discotheque?

George Gobel: Yes, and there's a sign that says "Do not tip or touch the choir."

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

(1924 – 2006) American comedic actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… in Egypt, they grow a special kind of cotton that is multi-colored.

Paul Lynde: And white people have to pick it!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas.

Paul Lynde: Yes. We call them winos.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: How many movies has Vincent Price been in?

Paul Lynde: You mean, how many good movies?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Do most women think a gambling casino is a good place to meet a man?

Wayland & puppet Madame: I'll lay ya eight to five… or ten to midnight!

(1939 – 1988) American puppeteer

Peter Marshall: You get a headache right after romance. According to Dr. Thotusen, is there anything wrong with you?

Paul Lynde: No, but I need a softer headboard.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: What is the name of the song that is played when the President of the United States walks into a room?

Paul Lynde: Send in the Clowns.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… most African soccer teams have their own witch doctor.

Redd Foxx: That's true…and their motto is, "If you can't beat 'em, eat 'em."

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

Peter Marshall: True or false – when the swallows return to Capistrano, they are probably coming from Argentina.

Charley Weaver:  That's true, and not only did they ruin my car, they blew up my trailer!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: Paul, the state flag of Alabama is all white with one very distinctive feature. What is it?

Paul Lynde: Eye holes!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire recently announced that after 30 years, they're going to do something together one more time. What?

Paul Lynde: Trade hairpieces.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to an old song, you should "Wrap all your troubles in…" What?

George Gobel: Furs… and tell her to stop calling your house! 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Tom Bergeron: Since the first woman entered this institution, 84 women have followed her. What institution is that?

Whoopi Goldberg: Marriage to Larry King.

(1955 – ) American comedian, actress, political activist & talk show host

Peter Marshall: True or false… NASA officials report that when Chinese vice-premier Dang visited the astronaut training headquarters recently, the one big question he demanded to know was…where the astronauts go to the bathroom?!

Paul Lynde: The answer was over China!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor