Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

Peter Marshall: Queen Elizabeth generally swings her umbrella behind her back, and immediately, something happens. What?

Paul Lynde: Lord Snowden doubles up in pain.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to animal experts, what usually gets an ostrich to bury its head in the sand?

David Brenner: A falling piano.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author

Peter Marshall: Paul, what is the Mister Yuk sticker meant to be put on?

Paul Lynde: Oh, motel bedspreads

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In The Wizard of Oz, the lion wanted courage and the tin man wanted a heart. What did the scarecrow want?

Paul Lynde: He wanted the tin man to notice him.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Experts say you should avoid sex immediately after… what?

Paul Lynde: Surgery.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Who are Mark Trail, Steve Roper and Tank McNamara?

Paul Lynde: Oh, you found my address book!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: You are leaving Hawaii by boat. Legend says that you’ll return if you do something. Do what?

Paul Lynde: I guess have Don Ho’s baby.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: You have some lipstick on your collar. Will treating it with petroleum jelly help?

George Gobel: I'm gonna have a hard enough time explaining the lipstick!

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  Do rosey cheeks always mean good health?

Charley Weaver: Not if you're sitting on a radiator!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: Who never rises for the bride and groom?

Paul Lynde: Ironside.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: What did the Lone Ranger always leave behind when he left town?

Paul Lynde: A masked baby.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Paul, Broderick Crawford says that he is often mistaken for….

Paul Lynde: A dump truck.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, can doctors do anything for your stretch marks?

Rose Marie: Well, if he's musically inclined, he can strum them.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: Is it possible for a man to get an annulment if he can prove that he was drunk during the wedding ceremony? 

George Gobel: Well, I thought of that, but by the time I sobered up, we had been married 23 years.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Where does most of the olive oil in the world come from?

Paul Lynde: Caesar Romero’s comb.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Karen Valentine made her film debut in a film called “Gidget…” Gidget what?

Paul Lynde: Gidget Gets Morning Sickness.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: A western saddle has a curved horn on the front to hold something for the cowboy. What is it?

Paul Lynde: A passenger.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: How many movies has Vincent Price been in?

Paul Lynde: You mean, how many good movies?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Nathan Hale, one of the heroes of the American Revolution, was hung. Why?

Paul Lynde: Heredity!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian