Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

Peter Marshall:  According to Shakespeare, what acquaints a man with strange bedfellows?

George Gobel:  The tall dude in the purple hat. 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  Shakespeare wrote 154 of them.  What are they?

Charley Weaver:  Checks to Rose Marie for services rendered.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: The Great White is one of the most feared animals. What is the Great White?

Paul Lynde: A sheriff in Alabama.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Where does most of the olive oil in the world come from?

Paul Lynde: Caesar Romero’s comb.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  You are a senior citizen and during the night while you are asleep, your heart beats 50 times per minute.  Is there something wrong with you?

Charley Weaver:  Well, let's put it this way.  Could you ask me Friday's questions today?

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: According to the World Book, is it okay to freeze your persimmons?

Paul Lynde: No. You should dress warmly.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: From what animal do you get silk blouses?

Paul Lynde: An animal to you, Peter, but kind and generous to me.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In the Bible, King David asked beautiful and wise Abigail to do something after her first husband died. What?

Paul Lynde: Get him out of the room.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Tom Bergeron: Bruce, you're the most popular fruit in America. What are you?

Bruce Vilanch: Humbled.

(1948 – ) American comedy writer, songwriter & actor

Peter Marshall: James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it?

Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.

(1922 – ) comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

(1924 – 2006) American comedic actor

John Davidson: What state was originally divided into three sections?

Joan Rivers: Raymond Burr.

(1935 – ) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Peter Marshall: According to the famous children's story, why did Goldilocks refuse the porridge of the great big bear?

Rose Marie: Probably Vincent (Price) was playing the part, and he cooked it.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: What is the plural of "titmouse?”

McLean Stevenson: Ooh-kay, got your mouse, got your meece and got your mice. It's titsmouse… (laughter) titsmice… uh, (more laughter) titmice!

(1927 – 1996) American actor

Peter Marshall: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?

Paul Lynde: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: What's the one thing you should never do in bed? Paul Lynde: Point and laugh!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to beauty experts, when putting on your makeup, if you use a dark foundation directly below your jawbone, and blend it from ear to ear, it will help hide something. What?

Paul Lynde: Well, can you tell I'm wearing pearls?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: If you surprised your wife with a gift of a roll of aluminum foil, what anniversary would you be celebrating?

Vincent Price (laughs): It would be my last! I'd be wrapped up in it and put in the deep freeze!

(1911 – 1993) American actor

Peter Marshall: In the Shakespearean play "King Lear," King Lear had three of them, Gonoreil, Cordelia and Regen. Who were they?

Paul Lynde (disgustedly): King Lear had Gonoreil!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor