Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

Peter Marshall:  Paul, the Rio Grande River separates Texas and Mexico.  What does “Rio Grande” mean in Spanish?

Paul Lynde:  El Washing Machine.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, nothing will make a young teenage couple stay together as much as when their parents do something. Do what?

Rose Marie: When they go away for the weekend. When they’re left alone, they have a ball.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: True or false… drinking alcohol reduces the amount of male hormones in your body? 

George Gobel: You can’t scare me!

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire recently announced that after 30 years, they’re going to do something together one more time. What?

Paul Lynde: Trade hairpieces.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to the famous children's story, why did Goldilocks refuse the porridge of the great big bear?

Rose Marie: Probably Vincent (Price) was playing the part, and he cooked it.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: Robert Young recently stated, “I never, never give…” something to his fans who ask for it. What?

Paul Lynde: A hysterectomy.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Paul, what is the name of the small musical intrument shaped like a triangle?

Paul Lynde: Connie Stevens.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

John Davidson: What is a bee fly?

George Gobel: A zipper on a bee’s jeans.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Alexander Graham Bell of telephone fame, spent 30 years of his life trying to get a female sheep to do something. To do what?

Marty Allen: Return his phone call.

(1922 – ) comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: It’s well known that small amounts of female hormones are found in the male body. Are male hormones ever found in the female body?

Paul Lynde: Occasionally.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Oscar, you’ve made a man very happy…

Oscar the Grouch: I’m sorry to hear that.

Muppet

Peter Marshall: According to Better Homes and Gardens, Is it a good idea to give your yard a light sprinkle?

Michael Landon: … well, if you can’t make it to the house, I mean…

(1936 – 1991) American actor, writer, director & producer

Peter Marshall: What are “dual purpose” cattle good for that other cattle aren’t?

Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies… but I don’t recommend the cookies!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  According to Amy Vanderbilt, what is the maximum length of time you and your fiancé should be engaged?

Rose Marie: Engaged in what?

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall:  True or false… a man arrested in West Palm Beach, Florida was fined 75 cents after a policeman shot him with two bullets.

George Gobel:  The guy only had a dollar, so the policeman shot him two more times.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?

Paul Lynde: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: There's tennis elbow, there's jogger's knee, and there's swimmer's… swimmer's what?

Paul Lynde: All I can think of is trunks!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… if you have difficulty hitting the sack, a good idea is to talk yourself to sleep?

Rose Marie: Or Tom Snyder could do the same thing.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, what did Little Bo Peep’s sheep leave behind them?

Paul Lynde: Well, Simple Simon thought they were bread crumbs!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Who was known as “Old Blood and Guts?”

Paul Lynde: Barbara Stanwyck.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them.

Charley Weaver: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests. 

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
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