Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

Peter Marshall: According to research at USC, is it okay for your marriage to fantasize that your wife is Farrah Fawcett Majors?

Paul Lynde: If that doesn’t work, try Lee Majors!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In the Middle Ages, Paul, people in convents were not allowed to eat beans because they believed something about them we now know isn’t true. What?

Paul Lynde: Well, I know they took a vow of silence…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Will humming help your tennis game?

Florence Henderson: Will humming help my tennis game? Sure, why not? It takes your mind off your balls, or something.

(1934 – 2016) American actress & singer

Peter Marshall: Something happened to Marlon Brando in 1955, and afterward he told friends he thought it would happen to Bing Crosby instead. What happened?

Paul Lynde: Oh, one of Bing's sons asked him for money.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  When you go shopping, is there any difference between irregulars and seconds?

Charley Weaver:  Out at the home, when I have seconds I get irregular.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: In the movie Camelot, Sir Lancelot is called on to perform a miracle.  What is the miracle?

Charley Weaver: The miracle is to make the movie a hit.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: Can chewing gum help prevent a child from catching a cold?

Paul Lynde: No, but I know it’ll plug a runny nose.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: What is a good reason for pounding meat?

Paul Lynde: Loneliness!


(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to her grandma’s house. On her way there, she stopped to get something for her grandma. To get what?

Paul Lynde: Feen-a-mints.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: A soap opera in Australia called “Number 96” offers audiences something that no American soap opera has. What?

Paul Lynde: An unfaithful kangaroo.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?

Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… Ari Onassis gave Jackie $5 million worth of jewelry in their first year of marriage alone?

Paul Lynde: And it didn’t cure her headache.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall:  Every night before he went to bed, George Washington would always put his false teeth into something. What?

Charley Weaver: Martha!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall:  In the movies, Frankenstein’s monster was always big and ugly.  And he had lots of scars.  What was his biggest fear? 

Paul Lynde: That the girls would be turned off by his big nuts!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Does the Secret Service have any women?

George Gobel: Of course, who do you think performs the secret service? 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Don, True or false… there’s now a club in California that will allow you to sign up for obscene phone calls.
Rose Marie: Peter, get us that number!
Don Knotts:  Well…you found us out!

(1924 – 2006) American comedic actor

Peter Marshall:  Do rosey cheeks always mean good health?

Charley Weaver: Not if you're sitting on a radiator!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: True or false… Paul…champagne glasses were designed to resemble Marie Antoinette’s bosom?

Paul Lynde: And we have Karen (Valentine) to thank for the shot glass!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: True or false… cow’s horns are used to make ice cream.

Paul Lynde: You mean those weren’t chocolate chips?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to the World Book, is it okay to freeze your persimmons?

Paul Lynde: No. You should dress warmly.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor













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