Subject: Hollywood Squares (Page 4)

Peter Marshall: You became a mother two months ago. And you’ve been feeling a bit depressed lately. According to Cosmopolitan magazine, is this normal?

Paul Lynde: I hate these stretch marks!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, “Every woman I’ve been intimate with in my life has been…” What?

Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In The Wizard of Oz, the lion wanted courage and the tin man wanted a heart. What did the scarecrow want?

Paul Lynde: He wanted the tin man to notice him.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In bowling, what’s a perfect score?

Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, nothing will make a young teenage couple stay together as much as when their parents do something. Do what?

Rose Marie: When they go away for the weekend. When they’re left alone, they have a ball.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: A photograph of Queen Elizabeth had her stepping onto the shores of Bangkok, onto a carpet made of what?

Paul Lynde: 40% Dacron.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Paul, according to the World Book Encyclopedia, what is the main reason dogs pant?

Paul Lynde: Because they can’t talk dirty!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: According to the French Chef, Julia Child, how much is a pinch?

Paul Lynde: Just enough to turn her on.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: President Johnson had a personal butler in the White House; so did presidents Kennedy and Nixon. Does President Ford also have a butler?

Paul Lynde: Yes, he doubles as the Secretary Of Agriculture.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: The Atlantic Ocean is the major body of water on Africa’s west coast. What major body lies off Africa’s east coast?

Paul Lynde: Ex-president Mobutu.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: What is that small cute thing on Cher, just below her waist?

Burt Reynolds: Sonny Bono.

(1936 – 2018) American actor

Peter Marshall: Teddy Roosevelt maintained that he had something removed from two United States coins purely for the sake of art. What?

Paul Lynde: The bottom half of the buffalo.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: Johnny Carson’s ex-wife Joanne will get $100,000 a year, so long as she doesn’t do one thing. What IS the one thing?

Totie Fields: Cash the alimony check.

(1930 – 1978) American comedian

Peter Marshall:  In the movies, Frankenstein’s monster was always big and ugly.  And he had lots of scars.  What was his biggest fear? 

Paul Lynde: That the girls would be turned off by his big nuts!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?

Paul Lynde: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

Peter Marshall: You’re a shy, bashful girl. According to Cosmo, will you probably be helped in overcoming your shyness by choosing an extroverted, outgoing husband?

Rose Marie: Gosh, Pete, I did that once and his wife caught us.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: Can traffic noises affect your sexual prowess?

Jim Backus: Yes, so you should pull over and park.

(1913 – 1989) American radio, television, film & voice actor

Peter Marshall: Should you train your very young children on the piano?

Charley Weaver: No, try newspapers.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: If you see your dog chewing on the grass in your backyard, is that a sign that he’s not feeling well?

Morey Amsterdam: It’s a sign that he doesn’t like the grass in the backyard.

(1908 – 1996) actor & comedian

Peter Marshall: True or false… many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas.

Paul Lynde: Yes. We call them winos.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor