Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Hollywood Squares
(Page 4)
Peter Marshall: You became a mother two months ago. And you’ve been feeling a bit depressed lately. According to
Cosmopolitan
magazine, is this normal?Paul Lynde: I hate these stretch marks!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, “Every woman I’ve been intimate with in my life has been…” What? Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In
The Wizard of Oz,
the lion wanted courage and the tin man wanted a heart. What did the scarecrow want?Paul Lynde: He wanted the tin man to notice him.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In bowling, what’s a perfect score? Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, nothing will make a young teenage couple stay together as much as when their parents do something. Do what?Rose Marie: When they go away for the weekend. When they’re left alone, they have a ball.
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: A photograph of Queen Elizabeth had her stepping onto the shores of Bangkok, onto a carpet made of what? Paul Lynde: 40% Dacron.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, according to the
World Book Encyclopedia,
what is the main reason dogs pant?Paul Lynde: Because they can’t talk dirty!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to the French Chef, Julia Child, how much is a pinch?Paul Lynde: Just enough to turn her on.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: President Johnson had a personal butler in the White House; so did presidents Kennedy and Nixon. Does President Ford also have a butler?Paul Lynde: Yes, he doubles as the Secretary Of Agriculture.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: The Atlantic Ocean is the major body of water on Africa’s west coast. What major body lies off Africa’s east coast?Paul Lynde: Ex-president Mobutu.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What is that small cute thing on Cher, just below her waist? Burt Reynolds: Sonny Bono.
Burt Reynolds
(1936 – 2018) American actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Teddy Roosevelt maintained that he had something removed from two United States coins purely for the sake of art. What? Paul Lynde: The bottom half of the buffalo.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Johnny Carson’s ex-wife Joanne will get $100,000 a year, so long as she doesn’t do one thing. What IS the one thing? Totie Fields: Cash the alimony check.
Totie Fields
(1930 – 1978) American comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In the movies, Frankenstein’s monster was always big and ugly. And he had lots of scars. What was his biggest fear? Paul Lynde: That the girls would be turned off by his big nuts!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born? Paul Lynde: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You’re a shy, bashful girl. According to
Cosmo,
will you probably be helped in overcoming your shyness by choosing an extroverted, outgoing husband? Rose Marie: Gosh, Pete, I did that once and his wife caught us.
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Can traffic noises affect your sexual prowess? Jim Backus: Yes, so you should pull over and park.
Jim Backus
(1913 – 1989) American radio, television, film & voice actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Should you train your very young children on the piano? Charley Weaver: No, try newspapers.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: If you see your dog chewing on the grass in your backyard, is that a sign that he’s not feeling well? Morey Amsterdam: It’s a sign that he doesn’t like the grass in the backyard.
Morey Amsterdam
(1908 – 1996) actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas. Paul Lynde: Yes. We call them winos.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Page 4 of 22
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