Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Hollywood Squares
(Page 5)
Peter Marshall: According to Shakespeare, what acquaints a man with strange bedfellows?George Gobel: The tall dude in the purple hat.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In
The Wizard Of Oz
, the Tin Man wanted a heart, and the Lion wanted courage. What did the Straw Man want?Paul Lynde: He wanted the Tin Man to notice him.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Father Lester's column, is there ever, EVER a time when it is permissible to punch somebody in the mouth?George Gobel: Well, yeah. Like if he backs into the church's new Chevy wagon.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high? Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Does Mark Spitz believe swimming in the nude helps you go faster?Paul Lynde: Well, it’s easy to steer.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false – as you get older, your skin becomes more transparent.Charley Weaver: Out at the home in the x-ray room, they just hold us up to a light bulb.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Why is the booby bird called the booby bird? Karen Valentine: Because they have big… feet.
Karen Valentine
(1947 – ) American actress
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to the French Chef, Julia Child, how much is a pinch?Paul Lynde: Just enough to turn her on.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to legend, who looks better, a pixie or a fairy? Paul Lynde (in deeper voice): Well, looks aren’t everything!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.George Gobel: Sometimes it sure seems that way…
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: President Washington once said quote “I would rather be in my grave than in…” what?Paul Lynde: Grant’s tomb.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Do rosey cheeks always mean good health? Charley Weaver: Not if you're sitting on a radiator!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: There's tennis elbow, there's jogger's knee, and there's swimmer's… swimmer's what?Paul Lynde: All I can think of is trunks!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, Pat Nixon says it’s difficult to sleep with President Nixon because of something he does in the middle of the night. What is it?Paul Lynde: He’s digging a tunnel.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: The average child in China learns how to do it at age three. The average child in America never learns. What?Paul Lynde: How to pull a rickshaw.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… the dining room of the House of Representatives in Congress serves 10-12 gallons of beans every day?George Gobel: And they go pass… (laughter) legislation!
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, how many men are on a hockey team?Paul Lynde: Oh, about half.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
John Davidson: What’s the worst thing to have around the house?Rose Marie: Vacuum cleaners!
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to animal experts, what usually gets an ostrich to bury its head in the sand? David Brenner: A falling piano.
David Brenner
(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to a recent article in the
Miami Herald
, at age 78, is Groucho Marx still interested in sex?Charley Weaver: Yes, but he’s forgotten the secret word.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… the biggest problem couples face in marriage is having sex. Rose Marie: No, that’s the second biggest problem. The biggest problem is no sex.
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Page 5 of 22
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