Subject: Insults

The baby is fine; the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

He looks like the guy in a science fiction movie who is the first to see the “Creature."

(1933 – 2011) American comedian, imitator of famous political figures

The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.

(1925 – 2005) television host

He is racist, he's homophobic, he's xenophobic and he's a sexist; he's the perfect Republican candidate.

(1940 – ) talk radio host, political commentator and author

Few things can be less tempting or dangerous than a Greek woman of the age of thirty.

(1789–1844) British traveller & author

… as thin as the homeopathic soup that was made by boiling the shadow of a pigeon that had been starved to death.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president

She not only expects the worst, but makes the worst of it when it happens.

(1895 – 1956) Armenian essayist, novelist, playwright, & scriptwriter

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.

(1973 – ) American comedian

A real Centaur: part man, part horse's ass.

(1893 – 1971) American statesman & lawyer

She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitch folk.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist

Bette [Davis] and I are good friends; there's nothing I wouldn't say to her face – both of them.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress

I never liked him and I always will.

An idiot child screaming in a hospital.

(1866 – 1946) English author

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I’d wring your neck… if you had one.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter

He is able to turn an unplotted, unworkable manuscript into an unplotted and unworkable manuscript with a lot of sex.


I may not know much, but I know chicken shit from chicken salad.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president

He sang like a hinge.

(1908 – 1984) American actress & singer

A singer: You know, my dear, I insured my voice for fifty thousand dollars.

Hopkins: That’s wonderful; and what did you do with the money?

(1902 – 1972) American actress

We’ve been through so much together, and most of it was your fault.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
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