Subject: Insults

Jane Fonda coming back to the screen after a decade-and-a-half absence in Monster-in-Law is like Brando returning from the dead to star in a Police Academy movie.

(1952 – ) American film critic & columnist

You have a good and kind soul… it just doesn't match the rest of you.

Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

We know that he has, more than any other man, the gift of compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thought.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

It must have been tough on your mother, not having any children.

(1911 – 1995) American actress, dancer & singer

In feathered hats that were once the rage, she resembles a petrified parakeet from the Jurassic age; a royal wreck.

Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer

Pamela Lee said her name is tattooed on her husband's penis; which explains why she changed her name from Anderson to Lee.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian

The only genius with an IQ of 60.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Berlioz composes by splashing his pen over the manuscript and leaving the issue to chance.

(1810 – 1849) Polish composer & virtuoso pianist

His brain is a half-inch layer of champagne poured over a bucket of Methodist near-beer.

(1873 – 1945) journalist & author

She ought to be arrested for loitering in front of an orchestra.

(1945 – ) singer, actress & comedian

He must have had a magnificent build before his stomach went in for a career of its own.

(1910 – 1997) American writer

You take care, and I hope I run into you – when I’m driving.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Say what you will, when Dan Quayle was in the National Guard, not one Viet Cong got past Muncie, Indiana.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

Berlioz, musically speaking, is a lunatic; a classical composer only in Paris, the great city of quacks.

Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it.

(1932 – ) French-American writer, biographer, journalist & historian

Justin Bieber looks like a little lesbian… he’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Pamela Anderson revealed all the taste and refinement of a hooker on holiday.

(1933 – ) English actress & author

Vivian: Nice outfit.

Elle: Oh, I like your outfit too, except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.

(1976 – ) American actress & producer

A bag of tattooed bones in a sequined slingshot.

Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer