Subject: Insults

He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.

(1720 – 1777) British dramatist, actor & theatre manager

What do you do if you're in a room with Muammar Qaddafi, Saddam Hussein, and John Sununu, and you have a gun with only two bullets? … shoot Sununu twice.

(1933 – ) U.S. senator (Massachusetts)

Ricardo Montalban is to improvisational acting what Mount Rushmore is to animation.

(1929 – 1989) American actor, screenwriter & filmmaker

George Zimmerman wants to go to law school; I believe his exact words were, “I’d kill to be a lawyer.”

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

What can you do with a man who looks like a female llama surprised when bathing?

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

In her last days, she resembled a spoiled pear.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.

(1857 – 1938) American lawyer

She preserved to the age of fifty-six that contempt for ideas which is normal among boys and girls of fifteen.

(1884 – 1967) American professor, poet & politician

Reading him is like wading through glue.

(1809 – 1892) Poet Laureate of the United Kingdom

He combines the manners of a Marquis with the morals of a Methodist.

(1836 – 1911) English dramatist, librettist, poet & illustrator

[Lloyd George] did not seem to care which way he travelled providing he was in the driver’s seat.

(1879 – 1964) Anglo-Canadian business tycoon, politician & writer

He’s so old his social security number is two digits.

When Charlie Finley had his heart operation it took eight hours…. seven just to find his heart.

professional baseball pitcher

Relations are a tedious lot of people who don’t know how to live or when to die.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitch folk.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist

He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

You take care, and I hope I run into you – when I’m driving.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Bryant Gumbel’s ego has applied for statehood…. and if it’s accepted, it will be the fifth-largest.

(1934 – ) American TV personality

A kind of cross between Julia Roberts and Jack Nicholson.

British journalist, author and television & music critic

Ah, Victor, still struggling to keep your head below water.

(1905 – 1987) Welsh dramatist & actor

I crap bigger than you!

(1919 – 2006) American actor

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