Subject: Insults

Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I described you in terms which were positively glowing, which is exactly how I’d like to see you in Hell.

(1958 – ) American actress, musician & dancer

He’s the type of man who will end up dying in his own arms.

(1931 – ) American actress & singer

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

He is a self-made man and worships his creator.

(1811 – 1889) British statesman

I could never understand what Sir Godfrey Tearle saw in Jill Bennett, until I saw her at the Caprice eating corn on the cob.

(1913 – 1991) Australian actress

Poor George [Bush], he can't help it; he was born with a silver foot in his mouth.

(1933 – 2006) politician

The English never smash in a face; they merely refrain from asking it to dinner.

(1910 – 1997) American writer

[He] is the only bull who carries his china shop with him.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

Nigel Mansell is the only man who goes to Nick Faldo for charisma lessons.

English actor & television personality

You’re the sort of person Dr. Spooner would have called a shining wit!

You make Al Capone look like a petty shoplifter.


Devotees of awful filmmaking can't go wrong with this one.

movie critic

He’s so old his social security number is two digits.

Writer, William Faulkner about Ernest Hemingway: He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.

Hemingway: Poor Faulkner, Does he really think big emotions come from big words?

(1899 – 1961) author & journalist

The 't' is silent, as in Harlow.

(1864 –1945) Anglo-Scottish socialite, author & wit

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.

(1901 – 1983) American film & television actor

His ears made him look like a taxicab with both doors open.

(1905 – 1976) industrialist, aviator, engineer, film producer & philanthropist

If a swamp alligator could talk, it would sound like Tennessee Williams.

(1938 – ) film critic & former television co-host

The ‘g’ is silent… the only thing about her that is.

(1959 – ) English writer & columnist

Pearl is a disease of oysters…Levant is a disease of Hollywood.

(1927 – 1980) English theatre critic & writer
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