Subject: Insults

And I think I'll call it Superstar? Jesus Christ!

British writer & comedian

The boy's about as sharp as a bowling ball.

cartoon character (Mel Blanc)

The youthful sparkle in his eyes is caused by his contact lenses, which he keeps highly polished.

(1904 – 1988) English-born American syndicated gossip columnist

I'm not saying the wife's ugly, but last Christmas she stood under the mistletoe waiting for someone to kiss and she was still there at lent.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian

He looks like the guy in a science fiction movie who is the first to see the “Creature."

(1933 – 2011) American comedian, imitator of famous political figures

So thoroughly corrupt, every time he smiles an angel gets gonorrhea!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer

He is a shifty-eyed goddamn liar…. he's one of the few in the history of this country to run for high office talking out of both sides of his mouth at the same time and lying out of both sides.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president

Edward Woodward… Edward Woodward… sounds like a fart in the bath.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter

He sang like a hinge.

(1908 – 1984) American actress & singer

Bryant Gumbel’s ego has applied for statehood…. and if it’s accepted, it will be the fifth-largest.

(1934 – ) American TV personality

He couldn't mastermind an electric bulb into a socket.

(1891 – 1951) comedian, singer, theater & film actress

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything; that points clearly to a political career.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

My prayer to God is a very short one: 'Oh, Lord, make my enemies ridiculous;' God has granted it.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

Mariah the fashion pariah… the queen of catastrophic kitsch.

Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer

Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor.

(1912 – 2007) U.S. first lady, wife of Lyndon Johnson

A sheep in sheep’s clothing.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

Some people say Birmingham looks great in the summer. I reckon it looks better in the rear view mirror.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.

(1856 – 1939) Austrian neurologist, father of psychoanalysis

I was so unpopular as a kid, Dale Carnegie once hit me in the mouth.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor

The baby is fine; the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.