Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Insults
(Page 3)
She was never really charming until she died.
Terence
(195/185–159 BC) playwright of the Roman Republic
Insults
His brain is a half-inch layer of champagne poured over a bucket of Methodist near-beer.
Benjamin de Casseres
(1873 – 1945) journalist & author
Alcohol
Insults
Intelligence
Brains
On George Bernard Shaw
Monica Lewinsky has agreed to host a new Fox reality show called Mr. Personality; Lewinsky says this way, when people ask her the most degrading thing she's ever done, she'll have a new answer.
Tina Fey
(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Insults
People
Monica Lewinsky
A buxom milkmaid reminiscent of a cow wearing a girdle, and both have the same amount of acting talent.
‘Mr. Blackwell’
Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer
Insults
Brigitte Bardot
His voice was the most obnoxious squeak I ever was tormented with.
Charles Lamb
(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Insults
Voice
She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.
Alexander Woollcott
(1887 – 1943) theater critic & commentator
Insults
Of Mrs Patrick Campbell
The first known case of a rat joining a sinking ship.
Anonymous
Insults
A report after Herbert Hoover's appointment of Press Secretary Theodore Joslin
Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
Wilson Mizner
(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Hollywood
Insults
Places
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance
Insults
Face
Michael Jackson’s album was only called “Bad” because there wasn’t enough room on the sleeve for “Pathetic.”
Prince
Rogers Nelson (1958 – ) singer, songwriter, musician & actor
Insults
About Michael Jackson
Dan Quayle deserves to be Vice President like Elvis deserved his black belt in karate.
Dennis Miller
(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Government
Insults
President
Dan Quayle
He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance
Insults
Personality
He's the only man I know who could look at the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated and complain because the bathing suits weren't flame retardant.
James Baker
(1930 – ) American politician
Insults
On Michael Dukakis
He' a Boy Scout with a hormone imbalance.
Kevin Phillips
(1940 – ) writer & commentator
Insults
About George Bush
A bag of tattooed bones in a sequined slingshot.
‘Mr. Blackwell’
Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer
Appearance
Body
Clothing
Insults
On Cher
Berlioz composes by splashing his pen over the manuscript and leaving the issue to chance.
Frédéric Chopin
(1810 – 1849) Polish composer & virtuoso pianist
Entertainment
Insults
Music
On French composer Hector Berlioz
A fungus of pendulous shape.
Alice James
(1848 – 1892) daughter of Henry James
Insults
About George Eliot
How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults
TV/Movie Quotes
As Professor Wagstaff in “Horse Feathers”
I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.
Gilbert Gottfried
(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Insults
Alan Thicke
If a traveller were informed that such a man was the leader of the House of Commons, he might begin to comprehend how the Egyptians worshipped an insect.
Benjamin Disraeli
(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Government
Insults
On Lord John Russell
A great many people now reading and writing would be better employed keeping rabbits.
Edith Sitwell
(1887 – 1964) English biographer, critic, novelist & poet
Insults
Criticism
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