Subject: Insults (Page 3)

She was never really charming until she died.

(195/185–159 BC) playwright of the Roman Republic

His brain is a half-inch layer of champagne poured over a bucket of Methodist near-beer.

(1873 – 1945) journalist & author

Monica Lewinsky has agreed to host a new Fox reality show called Mr. Personality; Lewinsky says this way, when people ask her the most degrading thing she's ever done, she'll have a new answer.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

A buxom milkmaid reminiscent of a cow wearing a girdle, and both have the same amount of acting talent.

Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer

His voice was the most obnoxious squeak I ever was tormented with.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist

She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.

(1887 – 1943) theater critic & commentator

The first known case of a rat joining a sinking ship.

Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Michael Jackson’s album was only called “Bad” because there wasn’t enough room on the sleeve for “Pathetic.”

Rogers Nelson (1958 – ) singer, songwriter, musician & actor

Dan Quayle deserves to be Vice President like Elvis deserved his black belt in karate.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality

He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

He's the only man I know who could look at the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated and complain because the bathing suits weren't flame retardant.

(1930 – ) American politician

He' a Boy Scout with a hormone imbalance.

(1940 – ) writer & commentator

A bag of tattooed bones in a sequined slingshot.

Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer

Berlioz composes by splashing his pen over the manuscript and leaving the issue to chance.

(1810 – 1849) Polish composer & virtuoso pianist

A fungus of pendulous shape.

(1848 – 1892) daughter of Henry James

How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

If a traveller were informed that such a man was the leader of the House of Commons, he might begin to comprehend how the Egyptians worshipped an insect.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author

A great many people now reading and writing would be better employed keeping rabbits.

(1887 – 1964) English biographer, critic, novelist & poet