Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Insults
(Page 4)
If ever a single person was living proof that intelligence is a meaningless quality without modest common sense, it was Susan Sontag.
Kevin Myers
(1947 – ) English-born Irish journalist & writer
Insults
Intelligence
Susan Sontag
I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.
Wilson Mizner
(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Government
Insults
Law
Lawyers
Money
Fortunes
I am… an inflated swimsuit.
Samantha Fox
(1966 – ) English dance-pop singer, actress & former model
Insults
People
Self
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
P.G. Wodehouse
(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Insults
Intelligence
Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults
TV/Movie Quotes
In “Monkey Business”
Introductions
You're like a pay toilet, aren't you? … you don't give a shit for nothing.
Howard Hughes
(1905 – 1976) industrialist, aviator, engineer, film producer & philanthropist
Insults
To Robert Mitchum
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will look ridiculous year after year.
Fred Allen
(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Appearance
Clothing
Insults
Fashion
The first known case of a rat joining a sinking ship.
Anonymous
Insults
A report after Herbert Hoover's appointment of Press Secretary Theodore Joslin
The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
Johnny Carson
(1925 – 2005) television host
Insults
Roseanne Barr
Singing
Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
Wilson Mizner
(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Hollywood
Insults
Places
She resembles the Venus de Milo: she is very old, has no teeth, and has white spots on her yellow skin.
Heinrich Heine
(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet
Appearance
Insults
His ears made him look like a taxicab with both doors open.
Howard Hughes
(1905 – 1976) industrialist, aviator, engineer, film producer & philanthropist
Appearance
Insults
About Clark Gable
Ears
I would like to live in Manchester, England; the transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Insults
Places
Manchester
The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.
William Butler Yeats
(1865 – 1939) Irish poet & politician
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Insults
People
Drunk
He has the vocal modulation of a railway-station announcer, the expressive power of a fence-post and the charisma of a week-old head of lettuce.
Fintan O'Toole
(1958 – ) Irish columnist, assistant editor & drama critic
Insults
About director Quentin Tarantino
Calling Kathy Lee 'entertainment' is like falling off the roof and calling it transportation.
Rocky LaPorte
American actor & stand-up comedian
Entertainment
Insults
Kathy Lee Gifford
Alexander Woollcott to Franklin Adams: What is so rare as a Woollcott first edition?Adams reply: A Woollcott
second
edition.
Franklin Adams
(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Insults
A fungus of pendulous shape.
Alice James
(1848 – 1892) daughter of Henry James
Insults
About George Eliot
Poor little man, they made him out of lemon Jell-O
®
and there he is; he’s honest and hardworking but he’s not great.
Adela Rogers St. John
(1894 – 1988) American journalist, novelist & screenwriter
Insults
About Robert Redford
A sheep in sheep’s clothing.
Winston Churchill
(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Insults
On Clement Attlee
I want to reach your mind – where is it currently located?
Ashleigh Brilliant
(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Insults
Page 4 of 42
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