Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, Murphy's Laws, insults & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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Never argue with a fool… people might not know the difference.
First Law of Debate
You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot.
(1904 – 1989) Spanish surrealist painter
The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
You cannot compile a wit out of two half-wits.
(1933 – 1967) English playwright
I wonder sometimes if manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
(1938 – 2007) British writer
So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.
(1956 – ) American comedian
The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Sometimes a majority simply means that all the fools are on the same side.
(1925 – ) writer
It ain’t what a man don’t know that makes him a fool, but what he
know that ain’t so.
(1818 – 1885) humorist
A fool and his money are soon elected.
Walton's Law of Politics
The love letter you finally got the courage to send will be delayed in the post long enough for you to make a fool of yourself in person.
Arthur's Second Law of Love
A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
You’ve heard of people living in a fool’s paradise? … well, Leonora has a duplex there.
George S. Kaufman
(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Of the actress
Nature never makes any blunders, when she makes a fool she means it.
(1772 – 1851) American Presbyterian theologian & professor
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
A fool in a high station is like a man on the top of a small mountain: everything appears small to him and he appears small to everybody.
Little things affect little minds.
(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense.
(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
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