Quotes and One Liners
humorous quotations, expressions, proverbs, headlines & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
View All Authors
Humorous, ironic, satirical or just plain odd last words
Where is my clock?
(1904 – 1989) Spanish surrealist painter
I'd rather be fishing.
(c.1962 – 1987) American convicted murderer
Before his execution in a Louisiana electric chair
William Henry Pratt (1887 – 1969) English actor
As he drifted in and out of sleep on his final day. It confused and distressed his wife Evie since Karloff hadn't mentioned Pidgeon in years.
Gentlemen, I bid you farewell.
Wallace Henry Hartley
To his fellow band mates before the Titanic sank in 1912. One survivor who climbed aboard a lifeboat distinctly heard Hartley say these words before he and the band were swept off the deck by the sea.
Maybe they only had one rocket.
British WWII soldier
Said while taking cover in a bunker after they were hit by a rocket. A second volley destroyed the bunker and Beeter was killed.
Why? I'm right at the height of the rifles.
(1814 – 1861) Mexican lawyer, scientist & liberal politician
Spoken after his executioner ordered him to kneel before the firing squad.
Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow.
(1955 –2011) business magnate, co-founder & CEO of Apple
As reported by his sister on his death bed.
I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
(1899 – 1957) film actor
Die, my dear? Why, that's the last thing I'll do!
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough!
(1818 – 1883) German philosopher, economist, sociologist & socialist
To his housekeeper
I need no doctor. I can overcome my own troubles.
(1808 – 1875) 17th U.S. President
Spoken to his granddaughter who was about to send for a doctor
Born in a hotel room, and Goddammit, died in one!
(1888 – 1953) American playwright
You be good. See you tomorrow. I love you.
African Grey Parrot (1976 – 2007) subject of a thirty-year experiment by animal psychologist Irene Pepperberg
Spoken to Pepperberg when she put him in his cage for the night; he was found dead the next morning.
But the peasants… how do the peasants die?
(1828 – 1910) Russian writer
I hope the exit is joyful and hope never to return.
Frida Kahlo de Rivera
(1907 – 1954) Mexican painter
I'm so bored with it all.
(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Before slipping into a coma and dying nine days later.
We all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer. The poor get it in the winter.
William ‘Bat’ Masterson
(1853 – 1921) American buffalo hunter, U.S. Marshal, Army scout, gambler, frontier lawman & newspaperman
The play is over, applaud!
(63 BC – 14 AD) first emperor of the Roman Empire
This is the phrase that was traditionally said at the end of Roman plays.
Yes, it's tough, but not as tough as doing comedy.
(1877 – 1959) English theatre & film actor
When asked if he thought dying was tough
Don't be in such a hurry.
(1915 – 1959) American jazz singer & songwriter
She died from heart failure caused by cirrhosis of the liver.
I am curious to see what happens in the next world to one who dies unshriven.
(c.1446/1450 – 1523) Italian Renaissance painter
Giving his reasons for refusing to see a priest as he lay dying
Page 1 of 11
Copyright © Just-One-Liners.com