Subject: Life

I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it.

cartoon character, Peanuts (Charles Schulz, 1922 – 2000) creator & cartoonist

If humor was the foundation of my life, men were definitely the first floor.

(1946 – 1989) comedian & actress

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.

(1956 – ) American comedian

Life can be a bitch so at least try not to fall in love with one.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex… except for salami and eggs; now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer

Life is a tale told by an idiot – full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet

To the question: Do married people live longer?

Fields responded: No, it just seems longer.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I read somewhere that 26 is too old to still live with your parents; it was on a note, in my room.

comedian

We were a generation born too late to eat goldfish and too early to flash.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.

(1880 – 1966) American novelist

Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Life is one long process of getting tired.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist

My New Year’s Resolution for 2010? … I will be less laz

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

(1925 – 2005) television host

Somehow I never quite know what’s going on.

cartoon character, Peanuts, Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000) cartoonist

It is not a fragrant world.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter

If life was a party, he wasn’t even in the kitchen.

(1948 – ) English novelist













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