Subject: Marriage » Husbands

Before marriage, a man will go home and lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll go to sleep before you finish saying it.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

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I know not which lives more unnatural lives, obeying husbands, or commanding wives.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

How it Works: The Husband

A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended.

(1899 – 1995) humorist

Every American woman has two souls to call her own, the other being her husband's.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic

Why do men die before their wives? … Could it be because they want to?

(1967 – ) English comedian

Most women use more brains picking a horse in the third at Belmont than they do picking a husband.

(1924 – 2014) American actress & model

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.

Husbands are chiefly good lovers when they are betraying their wives.

(1926 – 1962) actress, sex symbol

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

My husband could have had any women he pleased – he just couldn't please any!

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor

I’d go to the end of the world for my husband; of course, if he’d just stop and ask directions, I wouldn’t have to.

American author, speaker & comedy writer

If you run into an old girlfriend – no matter how innocently – your wife will know about it before you get home.

Husband: A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife’s permission to say so.

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands… but English women only hope to find in their butlers.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist

American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives, or can be so easily divorced.

(1864 – 1943) English writer

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

The Hunger Site