Subject: Marriage » Husbands (Page 5)

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband; how about short and cheap?

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Beliefs Husbands Opinion

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

(1954 – ) Indian Professor of Journalism
Husbands Marriage Wives

If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

Husbands Murphy’s Laws Shopping Wives

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend; a successful woman is one who can find such a man.

(1921 – 1995) American actress
Husbands Marriage Wives

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Husbands Marriage Wives

I could be such a wonderful wife to another wife's husband.

(1931 – ) American author & newspaper journalist
Husbands Marriage Wives

The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Husbands Marriage Money

Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Husbands Lies

I know not which lives more unnatural lives, obeying husbands, or commanding wives.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Husbands Life Marriage Wives

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Husbands Marriage

My grandmother buried three husbands… and two of them were only napping.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Death Husbands Marriage Relationships

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Future Husbands Marriage Proverbs Time Wives

I’ve been married to one Marxist and one fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out.

(1927 – ) American actress
Husbands Marriage People

Never tell a secret to a bride or a groom; wait until they have been married longer.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Husbands Marriage Time Wives

American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives, or can be so easily divorced.

(1864 – 1943) English writer
America Divorce Husbands Marriage

There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Eating Food/Drink Husbands Marriage Wives

You know… there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… husband!

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Husbands Marriage

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Activities Husbands Marriage Relationships Sleep Things Wives

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Husbands Marriage Sex

The first time you go out after your wife’s birthday, you will see the gift you gave her marked down fifty percent.
Corollary: If she’s with you, she’ll assume you chose it because it was cheap.

Husbands Money Murphy’s Laws Shopping Wives

When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.

Marian Jordan (1898 – 1961) American radio comedian (of Fibber McGee & Molly)
Husbands Marriage Wives