Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Marriage
(Page 10)
Wedding Ring: A one-man band.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Wedding Ring
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
Jim Backus
(1913 – 1989) American radio, television, film & voice actor
Marriage
Success
Wives
Ah Mozart! He was happily married… but his wife wasn’t.
Victor Borge
(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist
Marriage
Mozart
Only a man who has loved a woman of genius can appreciate what happiness there is in loving a fool.
Charles de Talleyrand-Périgord
(1754 – 1838) French prime minister & diplomat
Fools
Intelligence
Marriage
Men
Women
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
François de la Rochefoucald
(1613 – 1680) French writer
Marriage
I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”
Bonnie McFarlane
Canadian-American comedian & writer
Marriage
The silent treatment
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
Katharine Hepburn
(1907 – 2003) American actress of film, stage & television
Communication
Marriage
Admiration
Criticism
Half of all marriage end in divorce – and then there are the unhappy ones.
Joan Rivers
(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Divorce
Marriage
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
American proverb
Conflict
Housework
Husbands
Marriage
Proverbs
Shot
Everyone talks about dead-beat dads; what about the kids who just aren’t worth the child support?
David Feldman
American comedian & writer
Children
Divorce
Family
Marriage
Child support
Dead-beat dads
Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.
Anthony Jeselnik
(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Divorce
Marriage
Prenuptial agreements
Tom Cruise
He’s the most married man I ever saw in my life.
Artemus Ward
Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist
Marriage
Will you take this woman to be your awful wedded wife?
Dylan Thomas
(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer
Communication
Marriage
Wordplay
Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking…,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
Adam Ferrara
American actor & comedian
Marriage
Situations
Wives
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted.
Helen Rowland
(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Husbands
Marriage
Marriage is the death of hope.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage
Hope
I went to look for a used car; I found my wife's dress in the back seat!
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos
Marriage
Things
Wives
Infidelity
Barbara and I celebrated our 51st wedding anniversary yesterday… we are very happy, but I would be happier if she got a job!
Don Rickles
(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Insults
Marriage
Self
Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.
H.L. Mencken
(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication
Conversation
Husbands
Marriage
Wives
Evidence
Inquests
You can make a lot of money in this game; just ask my ex-wives; both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
Lee Trevino
(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf
Money
Sports
Wives
When someone asked me once if I ever thought of leaving Bill, I asked, “Where?”
Erma Bombeck
(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Marriage
Page 10 of 36
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