Subject: Marriage (Page 10)

Wedding Ring: A one-man band.

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.

(1913 – 1989) American radio, television, film & voice actor

Ah Mozart! He was happily married… but his wife wasn’t.

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist

Only a man who has loved a woman of genius can appreciate what happiness there is in loving a fool.

(1754 – 1838) French prime minister & diplomat

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

(1613 – 1680) French writer

I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”

Canadian-American comedian & writer

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

(1907 – 2003) American actress of film, stage & television

Half of all marriage end in divorce – and then there are the unhappy ones.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Everyone talks about dead-beat dads; what about the kids who just aren’t worth the child support?

American comedian & writer

Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

He’s the most married man I ever saw in my life.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist

Will you take this woman to be your awful wedded wife?

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking…,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

American actor & comedian

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Marriage is the death of hope.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I went to look for a used car; I found my wife's dress in the back seat!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Barbara and I celebrated our 51st wedding anniversary yesterday… we are very happy, but I would be happier if she got a job!

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

You can make a lot of money in this game; just ask my ex-wives; both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

When someone asked me once if I ever thought of leaving Bill, I asked, “Where?”

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist