Subject: Marriage (Page 11)

You might be a redneck if… you smoked during your wedding.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.

(1958 – ) Australian author

My mother married a very good man… and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.

(1920 – 2006) American actress

In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity.

(1924 – 2014) American actress & model

Marriage: A  relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

American entrepreneur & author

The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window; you may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright

Middle-age is the time of life, that a man first notices – in his wife.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author

Don’t marry a man to reform him; that’s what reform schools are for.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Al: Anything for dinner, Peg?

Peg: Get a wife!

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter

Politicians are wedded to the truth, but like many other married couples they sometimes live apart.

(1870 – 1916) British writer

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages, but love accounts for the other third.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

The gifts you buy your wife are never as appropriate as the gifts your neighbor buys his wife.

Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

My toughest fight was with my first wife.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion