Subject: Marriage (Page 13)

I don't care if she doesn't know how to cook – so long as she doesn't know a good lawyer.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor
Lawyers Marriage

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

(1885 – 1957) French stage actor, film actor, director, screenwriter & playwright
Marriage Wives

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

(1952 – ) comedian
Marriage People Self

Spouse: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Definitions Marriage

I first met the wife in a tunnel of love… she was digging it.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian
Marriage Wives

If Miss means respectably unmarried, and Mrs. respectably married, then Ms. means nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

(1940 – 1992) English writer
Language Marriage Sex

I believe people ought to mate for life… like pigeons or Catholics.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage People

My wife and I had words, but I never got to use mine.

Jim Jordan (1896 – 1988) American radio comedian (of Fibber McGee & Molly)
Communication Marriage Speech

Remarriage is an excellent test of just how amicable your divorce was.

(1954 – 2000) humorist, writer & radio commentator
Divorce Marriage

Catherine: Your wife is really lucky.

Frasier: Well, I’m sure she’d say the same thing, especially now that our marriage is over.

(1955 – ) American actor, comedian, producer, director & singer
Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

Husband: A polygamous animal in a monogamous strait-jacket.

Definitions Marriage

Matrimony: The splice of life.

Definitions Marriage Wordplay

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Divorce Marriage

After three years of marriage, there are some questions I'd like to ask my wife… little things like, 'Honey, why is it that you get three closets and I get the back of a chair?

comedian & actor
Marriage Wives

Husband: A man who lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness.

Definitions Marriage

It was an arranged marriage, put together by drugs and alcohol.

American comedian & television host
Alcohol Drugs Marriage

Why do we have to go out Peg? … Isn’t it enough I know I’m married to you; do we have to tell the whole world?

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage TV/Movie Quotes Wives

My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other – so now it’s just a waiting game.

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian & game show host
Death Husbands Marriage Wives

Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anesthetic.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage Wives

After seven years of marriage, I am sure of two things: first, never wallpaper together, and second, you’ll need two bathrooms – both for her.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Marriage

We have a good time together, even when we’re not together

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Marriage Yogi-isms