Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Subject:
Marriage
(Page 20)
Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
Josh Billings
(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions
God
Love
Marriage
Christmas is not the time for regrets… that's what anniversaries are for.
Ed O’Neill
(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage
TV/Movie Quotes
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
Regrets
The marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves ‘em still two fools.
William Congreve
(1670 – 1729) English playwright & poet
Marriage
Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.
H.L. Mencken
(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage
Wives
Bachelors
Conscience
Don’t marry a man to reform him; that’s what reform schools are for.
Mae West
(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Marriage
Men
School
Reform
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.
Benjamin Franklin
(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Marriage
Harpo, she's a lovely person – she deserves a good husband; marry her before she finds one.
Oscar Levant
(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Insults
Marriage
People
To Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiancee
Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics
Marriage
Engagements
A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.
Jim Samuels
(1948 – 1990) comedian
Divorce
Marriage
Time
Wives
When I meet a beautiful girl, the first thing I say is 'will you marry me? … the second thing I say is, 'how do you do?”
Tommy Manville
(1894 – 1967) English heir, New York socialite (married 13 times)
Marriage
People
Women
Me and my wife met at a Castanet class… we clicked.
Stewart Francis
Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication
Language
Marriage
Wives
Castanets
The first part of our marriage was very happy… but then, on the way back from the ceremony…
Henny Youngman
(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Marriage
Seems like only a year ago they were married nine years!
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Marriage
Time
My ex-wife is going to hell on a scholarship.
‘Spanky’ Brown
American comedian
Divorce
Marriage
Alimony
On his Ex-Wife
One time I went to a hotel; I asked the bellhop to handle my bag; he felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage
Wives
Bag
Bellhop
Hotel
If love means never having to say you're sorry, then marriage means always having to say everything twice.
Estelle Getty
(1924 – 2008) American actress
Communication
Marriage
Speech
Love
It is a truth universally acknowledge, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
Jane Austen
(1775 – 1817) English novelist
Money
Wives
Horse sense is what prevents a woman from becoming a nag.
Jackie Vernon
(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Intelligence
Marriage
Wives
Horse sense
Nagging
There's a new Playboy for married men – and it has the same centerfold every month.
Victoria Jackson
(1959 – ) American comedian, actress & singer
Husbands
Marriage
Centerfolds
I never married because there was no need: I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband – I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.
Marie Corelli
(1855 – 1924) English writer
Animals
Cats
Husbands
Marriage
My wife has just two complaints: first, she’s got absolutely nothing to wear and second, she’s run out of closet space to keep it in.
Anonymous
Appearance
Clothing
Wives
Page 20 of 36
« First
« Previous
18
19
20
21
22
Next »
Last »