Subject: Marriage (Page 35)

All of the troubles that some people have in life is that which they married into.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

(1882 – 1942) American actor

Divorce: A splitting headache.

Being an old maid is like death by drowning, a really delightful sensation after you cease to struggle.

(1885 – 1968) American writer

I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook… after dinner, I don't brush my teeth, I count them.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Lately, I think that my wife has been fooling around because our parrot keeps saying, ‘Give it to me hard and fast before my husband, Jon Katz, comes home; and, yes, I’d love a cracker.’

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor

‘I am’ is the shortest sentence in the English Language; ‘I do’ is the longest.

After five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out.

(1957 – ) American comedian

My wife was too beautiful for words… but not for arguments.

(1882 – 1942) American actor

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