Subject: Marriage (Page 5)

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.

(1920 – 2006) American actress
Marriage Wives

I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook… after dinner, I don't brush my teeth, I count them.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink Marriage Wives

Wedding Ring: A one-man band.

Definitions Marriage

I believe people ought to mate for life… like pigeons or Catholics.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage People

Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.

Definitions Marriage

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s a wife who can’t cook and will.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Cooking Food/Drink Marriage Wives

The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.

(1918 – 2002) advice columnist
Happiness Life Marriage People Poverty Wealth

An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't.

(1885 – 1957) French stage actor, film actor, director, screenwriter & playwright
Marriage Wives

Before we make love, my husband takes a painkiller.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Husbands Insults Marriage Sex

You have to remember: the wife has been home all day cleaning asses and feeding faces… sometimes the opposite.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Children Family Marriage Wives

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Husbands Marriage People

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

(1953 – 1992) American comedian
Marriage

Sex again Peg? … we’ve been married seventeen years now; can’t we just be friends?

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

(1954 – ) Indian Professor of Journalism
Husbands Marriage Wives

Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Marriage Money Work

I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, 'Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.'

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Clothing Marriage

You know that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Marriage Sex

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Marriage

Whenever I get married, I start buying Gourmet magazine.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Communication Marriage Reading/Writing

We were happily married for eight months… unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years.


Marriage

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Health Wives