Subject: Marriage (Page 5)

I'm single because I was born that way.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Love may be a dream but marriage is a nightmare.

(1933 – ) English actress & author

If we men married the women we deserved, we should have a very bad time of it.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

God help the man who won’t marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if he finds her.

(1860 – 1943) British socialist, union leader & politician

I never meant to marry my second wife; I only meant to rob her.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I wouldn’t be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.

(1925 – 2010) American film actor

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

My wife told me today that I'm gonna become a father for the very first time; the bad news is – we already have two kids.


Alimony is the curse of the writing classes.

(1923 – 2007) American novelist, journalist & playwright

He’s the most married man I ever saw in my life.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist

You know you’re getting older when you don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t have to go along

Marriage is a good deal like a circus: there is not as much in it as is represented in the advertising.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

Wedding License: A certificate that gives a woman the legal right to drive a man.

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

[Marriage] is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.

(1948 – 1990) comedian

We thought it was a bad idea you guys got married, but we didn’t feel like we could say anything because it was open bar.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian

It is better to have an ugly wife for one’s self than a beautiful wife for others.

Marriage is like a bank account: you put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.

(1914 – ) American comic & actor

Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them continues to pay for it.

(1893 – 1957) American actress & celebrity

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